BRISTOL, Conn. — Embarrassed members of sludge-punk band Grinch Meat are allegedly kicking themselves after forgetting an apostrophe and ordering hundreds of gigantic seven-foot singles,…
LOS ANGELES — Leaked emails from high-ranking members of the Recording Academy of America suggest that the three Turnstile Grammy nominations were a subversive attempt…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local motherfuckers expressed their displeasure with the lead singer of hardcore band Big Butter for repeatedly and maliciously singling them out…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed startling new data about his company’s cloud storage system stating that nearly all the files saved to…
WAKEFIELD, Quebec — Local rockabilly scene member and ex-smoker Dewey “Hepcat” Henderson recently rolled a pack of Nicorette up into the sleeve of his t-shirt,…
KOHLER, Wis. – Kohler Co, the leader in modern kitchen design, introduced a new design specifically aimed at punk houses which is capable of holding…
WASHINGTON — A new study by climate scientists within the hardcore scene revealed the motherfuckers in the back will almost certainly be underwater by the…
LOMBARD, Ill. — The typically tough-as-nails beatdown band Rank and File were reportedly thrown off their game at a recent show at the Gulch when…
GALLATIN, Tenn. — Aging Punk and Volunteer Insurance Co. shift supervisor, Braden Niles, entered his fourteenth year of trying to get the entire office to…
SEATTLE — Local punk venue El Corazon unveiled a new kiss cam to entertain crowds during the long downtimes in between bands, sources who hoped…
LOS ANGELES — Staff at the Melrose Avenue Denny’s location are beginning to openly question if the members of local punk band Governmatricide are using…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Legendary post-hardcore band La Dispute confused fans with the band’s new lyrical direction by literally just reading ingredients off the shampoo…
WHEELING, W. VA — Aging punk roommate Dennis “Onion” Wilkins ritualistically bequeathed the key that allows them to steal toilet paper from Wendy’s to his…
NEW YORK — Pioneering California punk band FEAR will appear in this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade now that the 40-year ban assigned by NBC…
Voting season is upon us and even though I don’t vote, this year’s Election Day is probably the most important one of our lifetimes. Therefore,…