SAN ANTONIO, Texas — 39-year-old punk Terry “Scratch” Palmer’s job hunt continued to flounder due to his resume’s sparse experience section, which consists only of…
LOS ANGELES — The funeral services for hardcore scene veteran Alex Lopez with special eulogy by Henry Rollins quickly turned into a long, intense speech…
PORTLAND, Ore. — New parents and self-described “post-punk connoisseurs” Sara and Tom Mitchell proudly unveiled the name of their newborn child, Untitled, bewildered hospital sources…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Lifelong punk and mother of three Annette “Annarchy” Gustavson reportedly insisted that her entire family exhaustively trash their home before company…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The music scene was left reeling yesterday after a contingency of neoliberal punks suggested meeting Nazi punks halfway on a multitude of…
MIAMI — Legendary punk icon and notoriously topless frontman Iggy Pop turned heads the other day after wearing a shirt in the pool at a…
HARRISBURG, Penn. — Local human disaster Jason Melvin recently managed to pull a complete 180 in every aspect of his previously pointless existence with the…
GLENSIDE, Pa. — Pennsylvania senate candidate John Fetterman vows to support universal healthcare for scene veterans, old heads, and all the real motherfuckers in the…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — New Jersey-based punk, and massive acid enthusiast, Lionel “Tabby” Winnet is reportedly “confused but going with it” upon finding himself at bat…
PHOENIX, AZ – Local bassist Winston Crowe of punk band Sloppyfoot hit the gym to begin a new head nod training regimen which he hopes…
BOSTON — Local guitarist Lacey Buntz successfully replaced the low E string on her acoustic guitar using a thick, incredibly long, jet-black, chin hair she…
PITTSBURGH – A prototype driverless car, manufactured by local technology start-up High Drive, crashed into a telephone pole and was issued a DUI on its…
PITTSBURGH – Local crust punk Connor Thompson openly rejects the use of normal paper coffee filters and instead uses a dingy, faded Discharge patch off…
In Green Day’s song “Longview,” singer Billy Joe Armstrong makes reference to masturbating until it loses its fun. We decided to try this out and,…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – Blitz Greg Bop, a rescue dog belonging to local punk Jimmy McCallister, significantly upgraded his dietary lifestyle since running away from home…