SEATTLE – Legendary drone metal duo Sunn O))) announced they are disbanding following a dispute over whether their next 10-minute dirge should be on a…
Eddie Wishes Iron Maiden Would Come Up With Album Art Concept About Relaxing on the Beach or Something
SAN JUAN TEOTIHUACÁN, Mexico – Iron Maiden’s longtime mascot Eddie believes it’s time he had an opportunity to do more laid-back, relaxing endeavors on future…
SALEM, Ore. — Metalhead and biology lab technician Chris Mathes once again cut the fingertips off his safety gloves despite the risk of contamination and…
Metalhead Uses Only Phone Call From Jail to Tell Random Person How Much He Thinks Ghost Sucks
DETROIT – Metalhead Drew Fronski used his one and only phone call from the county jail to get one last unprovoked jab in at the…
Desperate Catholic Church Willing to Accept Dream Theater Fandom in Place of Vow of Celibacy
VATICAN CITY – The Catholic Church announced a new effort in which it will attempt to grow its ever-dwindling priest population by accepting a public…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Brave souls slinging drinks at the Slumbar Saturday night prepared for the rush of headbangers hurling towards them during a set by…
Heartwarming: When This Talented Band Didn’t Have Festival Submission Money the Promoter Booked His Own Band Instead
Everyone knows how tough it is for local bands. Often, members of the most popular bands have access to disposable resources like money and time.…
Instead of Scary Forest or Dirty Warehouse Maybe We Pick Some Place Nice for Our Photo Shoot This Time?
Okay hear me out, fellas. I’m not trying to say that our past photo shoots weren’t great. I love the memories we made that time…
ST. LOUIS — Diehard Tool fan Glenn “Stinkfist” Miranda missed the band’s entire set after a brief display of martial arts resulted in him getting…
Five Warning Signs Your HVAC Guy Isn’t in a Band
You need quality assurance from your HVAC repairman. That’s why it’s imperative that you, the consumer, know for a fact that your HVAC guy is…
Woman Honestly Glad Man is Gatekeeping Nu-Metal
CHICAGO 一 Local woman and record collector Sara Yousefi feels extremely relieved and happy that a random man has decided to gatekeep nu-metal, groaning sources…
HELL — Local metalhead Duane Hovey came to a shocking discovery after a tragic gravity bong explosion that the dark lord himself prefers the sounds…
Metalhead Upset He Has to Show Vaccination Status Before Participating in Wall of Death
MESA, Ariz. — Local metal fan and staunch supporter of personality responsibility, Damon Rogalski was visibly annoyed when he was forced to show his vaccination…
Metalhead Hasn’t Heard of Them but Sure They Suck
DETROIT — Local metalhead, 36-year-old Denny Brokum, is reportedly willing to admit that he hasn’t heard of the band Scatological Wasteland but is confident that…
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Local man and lead singer of popular metal band, A Fistful of Fetuses, thought it a good idea to consult his company’s…