WASHINGTON — The National Rifle Association demanded today fewer restrictions surrounding the purchase and use of U.S. senators, in response to growing calls across the…
LOS ANGELES — A mysterious pair of sunglasses discovered by local crust punk and drifter Rick “Zilch” Toombs allegedly allow him to see which punks…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — Sandusky resident Brent Farrett, well-known for his racism-free skeleton, was flabbergasted yesterday by his diagnosis of “acute degenerative brain racism,” sources close…
BLOOMFIELD, Iowa — A rally for Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is entering its fourth hour of delay while event organizers scramble to find a…
NAPLES, Fla. — A dinner party last night was left in tatters after an anti-vaccination activist and 9/11 truther used the event as a forum…
WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Punk bassist Becca Roberts defended her decision today to use a plectrum for the clitoral stimulation of her girlfriend, despite pressure…
Oh boy, look who just walked in. Who does this douchebag think he is? I hate when assholes from out of town come through here…
BISBEE, Ariz. — An “emergency” episode of the conspiracy theory-themed podcast Overacity Radio speculated about a direct correlation between the mysterious death of alleged pedophiliac…
CLEVELAND — Lonely divorcée Gary Funk was caressed last night for the first time in years by venue security at Wednesday night’s Stone Temple Pilots…
Hi I tried to click on the Google Document you sent to me over email with the invite for the family picnic and it just…
NORWELL, Mass. — Animal, the eccentric drummer of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, signed a lucrative endorsement deal today agreeing to only eat Zildjian…
COVINGTON, Ky. — Magick shop owner and obvious goth Maryanne “Luna” Hobbes couldn’t decide this morning how many corsets to pack for an upcoming family…
I Gotta eat and piss and shit like everyone, I need to sleep and breathe. I put my Chucks on one foot at a time,…
DOVER, N.H. — Avid heckler Roland Cobb was escorted out of a local park today for yelling at a group of small children talking amongst…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local punk Ivan Gomez gingerly set his “Meat Is Murder” T-shirt today into a new drawer set aside for band shirts he…