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Opinion: I Could Fuckin’ Take That Guy

Oh boy, look who just walked in. Who does this douchebag think he is? I hate when assholes from out of town come through here like they own the place. Fuckin’ locals only bro, read the room! You know what I think? I think I could fuckin’ take that guy.

No dude, seriously, I could. And I’m gonna.

I bet he thinks that Metallica shirt makes him look tough and cool. Hey next time buy the right size- those stupid muscles busting out of that shirt don’t make you look any cooler, bro! Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna say to him if he comes over here. But he won’t, dude. He looks like one of those guys who just talks a lotta shit but never steps up. Trust me, I know the type.

God that guy even drinks his beer like an asshole. What, we don’t have the right seasonal IPA for you, fuckface?! I would loooooove for him to try and start some shit. Like, he’ll walk up and say some shitty shit or something and then I’ll slam my beer in one chug, and then- BAM! You hit him with a chair while he’s looking at me. Then you two can start stomping him out and I’ll stand here saying something super fucking cool like, “I’ll have what he’s having… a knuckle sandwich… to go…” Yeah.

Nah dude it’s not gonna be like last time. Don’t even bring up the guy in the sweater vest. He didn’t “kick my ass,” you KNOW I tripped on my shoelace dude. Whatever man, I’m wearing slip-ons tonight so I’m ready to fuckin’ go bro, just say the word.

Shit is he looking over here? Alright dude, whatever, I’m gonna make the first move on this motherfucker and show him what’s what. Hold my White Claw and watch how it’s done.

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