COVINGTON, Ky. — Magick shop owner and obvious goth Maryanne “Luna” Hobbes couldn’t decide this morning how many corsets to pack for an upcoming family camping trip, irritated family members reported.
“I’ve always supported Maryanne’s… er, I mean, Luna’s preferences and tendencies as best I could, but this is outrageous,” admitted her father Scott Hobbes, tapping his foot violently while waiting by the minivan as the rest of the family sat inside. “I want her to be able to express herself, but she’s already doomed us to ungodly traffic. Not by one of her curses, mind you, but by her indecision. Let’s get this show on the road!”
Luna contended, however, that a sufficient number of corsets, fishnet stockings, and opera gloves are necessary for her to maintain her identity while camping in the West Virginia mountainside.
“Of course I need corsets while camping,” defended Luna, proprietor of the Lovin’ Coven magick shop near downtown Cincinnati, Ohio. “My business would take a dive if someone found pictures of me in some normie shit like Lululemon or Patagonia. And I need enough for variety, and so they don’t start to smell like tit sweat.”
“They’re tough to pack, though,” she grunted while kneeling on her suitcase, attempting to zip it closed as corsets poked out the sides. “My family should just be happy I still come on this fucking trip every year, and that this time, I promised to smile in two photos.”
Luna’s mother admitted the family’s acceptance of Luna’s goth lifestyle has been tough.
“A few years ago, I recommended my brother Joe get her a new corset for Christmas,” recalled Deb Hobbes. “I told him to go to the mall and head to Hot Topic, but after she unwrapped the sexy, white lace $800 Agent Provocateur bustier, the rest of that Christmas was very quiet. He hasn’t been invited back since — he kept asking for pictures of her wearing the gift.”
At press time, Luna was being rushed to the emergency room after her kayak tipped and she nearly drowned, dropping straight to the bottom of the lake due to the weight of all of her ornate jewelry.