Do you have a mass of cells in your reproductive organs that you need to stop from replicating but live in a state that withholds…
CANCÚN, Mexico — Junior Texas Senator Ted Cruz used a small portion of his Frequent Fleeing Texas Storm Miles reward points to upgrade from business…
SAN MATEO, Calif. — Multimedia tech CEO, Peter Avakian, held a mandatory all-hands meeting to ensure every employee was present for an iPhone slideshow from…
Over the span of the last four decades, The Flaming Lips have more than perfected the ‘music to take drugs to’ genre. That doesn’t mean…
ANAHEIM, Cali. — Local middle-aged man Shawn Hampton felt the full effects of venti Starbucks cold-brew and told friends that he felt he was at…
I know I’m a little bit behind the times on this – I mean, that game came out like ten years ago and somehow I…
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Local child Kevin Gallagher is enjoying much of his day watching a “Courage the Cowardly Dog” marathon with his uncle Pete…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — New Jersey-based punk, and massive acid enthusiast, Lionel “Tabby” Winnet is reportedly “confused but going with it” upon finding himself at bat…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local man Evan Stark’s highly anticipated acid trip at progressive rock band Organic Matter’s outdoor concert was foiled by the opening band…
So, it’s all come down to this. Right at the peak of your trip, and just on the cusp of figuring out the secret of…
TORONTO — A recent trip to an out-of-town Subway made you realize how much better managed it is than the Subway you normally eat at…
DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. — Fucking big shot Maria Richards felt the need to dazzle everyone by packing the dressers in her hotel room with neatly…
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to wash at her parents’ home…
WHEELING, W.V. — Local woman and drug enthusiast Lindsey Cruz reportedly turned down the opportunity to trip balls for less than $4 last night, thanks…
RENO, Nev. — Democratic Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg canceled an appearance with a local voter group yesterday after spinning out into a bad, six-hour drug…