ELKTON, Md. — The audience at Saturday night’s The Foothold Precinct show proved to be physically unable and unwilling to give it up for themselves…
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Local 14-year-old Colton Blewitt resisted the urge to tell his father he loved him today, fearing the declaration might be perceived as…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local 33-year-old Tom Marshman was sorely dissapointed today to learn he is actually “37 fucking years old” after glancing at his…
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Attendees of an all-ages hardcore show last night were treated to the arrival of local straight edge punk Brett Williams, riding…
PHILADELPHIA — Your friends Amber Lakely and Kevin Vasquez promised you today that you wouldn’t feel like a third wheel if you join their weekly…
It’s every beer pong player’s worst nightmare. Worse than getting shut out. Worse than playing with Milwaukee’s Best. Even worse… than losing to a chick.…
WATERLOO, Iowa — Christian rock superfan Keri Wilson has resolved not to go backstage after any concerts until she is a married woman, despite frequent…
YONKERS, N.Y. — Local man Patrick Murphy’s childhood sock puppet is in for an experience never imagined possible later today after the 28-year-old stumbled upon…
PORTLAND, Maine — Metalcore frontman and obvious liar Zander Dekay claimed at a show last Friday that he “can’t hear the motherfuckers in the back”…
LOS ANGELES — Sacramento-based punk and local chef Tina “Snot” McLain won the dinner round of the hit cooking show “Chopped” last night with a…
COLUMBIA, Md. – Non-confrontational wuss Samuel Bleck took out decades of built-up frustration today by open-palm slapping drywall in his home and leaving a mild…
My step-dad was always a hard ass. He’d embarrass me in front of my friends, emasculate me in front of my partners, and kept me…
GREAT BARRINGTON, Mass. — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan stood up to speak last night at an assembly about the current state of the education…
KIRBY, Wyo. — Local woman Madison Fuller announced today via multiple social media platforms that she is expecting to be a MILF sometime around mid-June…
HOMER, Ala. — The emotional affair between English teacher Lara Palledorous and her co-worker Allessandro Reyes resulted in a sweaty, purely physical and entirely literal…