KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Last week, a local polycule reached its breaking point and spoke out on social media against the growing stereotype that polyamorous people…
MONTREAL — PornHub I.T. guy Dewey Palmer helped a fellow employee troubleshoot their malfunctioning computer this morning by suggesting they “jack the computer off, then…
LOS ANGELES — Indie musician RGRT could not solve a single “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle during last week’s taping because he did not buy a…
ORLANDO — Disney World announced Friday that they’ve been working closely with the creators and producers of “Westworld” to make the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Religious supporters of President Trump were confused and apprehensive yesterday when he invited an executive from popular sex toy company Adam &…
MISHAWAKA, Ind. — Local punk musician Dana Laurence gave the “birds and the bees” talk to his seven-year-old son last night, reportedly including overly detailed…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A grocery store cashier and shopper wordlessly agreed moments ago to re-negotiate an overcharge on bulk beans after the Coronavirus pandemic has…
NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. — A $1 billion small business loan was reportedly given to the famous Bluth Family Banana Stand as part of the recently…
ST. Paul, Minn. — A Skype call between local patient Aito Jeffers and his long-time therapist Dr. Thomas Bernard offered a disappointing look into the…
ELGIN, Ill. — Local graphic designer Oliver Boone sat in his parked car for approximately 10 hours yesterday, catching up on the podcasts he usually…
SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months into a devastating outbreak of…
WASHINGTON — The new viral bombshell “Plandemic” has revealed a simple, shocking truth: that all of your friends are dribbling, incognizant fucking morons who are…

Opinion: Stop Calling Me a Hypochondriac, You Have No Idea What It’s Like to Live With Every Illness
I’m so sick of everyone calling me a hypochondriac. It puts excess strain on my life and makes me doubt myself, which is not something…