WASHINGTON — House and Senate Republicans agreed today that, rather than issue additional stimulus payments, Americans would be better off investing their previous stimulus in…
In these politically-charged times, nothing quite gets the punk heart pounding like politically-charged melodic hardcore and no one does that better than Canadian punk legends,…
ORLANDO — Local GG Allin impersonator Darius Boone was arrested last week on a slew of charges directly related to his tribute to his musical…
CHICAGO — An Avis car rental in Lincoln Park is trying to send the federal government a $50 cleaning bill today to remove the blood…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local tattoo artist Mike Lussier ended his self-imposed quarantine yesterday and debuted a plethora of new upside-down tattoos he gave himself to…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Democratic Presidential frontrunner Joe Biden and his staffers were surprised by the results of a recent COVID-19 test that found that he…
PAWNEE, Ind. — The small Indiana town of Pawnee became the epicenter of America’s Coronavirus pandemic last week due to new mayor Ron Swanson’s laissez…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Punk lifers Jessica Greene and Mark Wallace set a new standard for punk baby names when they welcomed their healthy daughter, Mark/Jessica…
This is an American crisis of epic proportions. People, I need help and fast! A force of heavily armed, camo-laden federal agents have swarmed Portland…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local police officer Stan Barton has entered his sixth consecutive hour at Royal Ink Tattoo Studio, brainstorming the best way to cover…
SUGAR LAND, Texas — New homeowner and devoted metalhead Eric Bronson replaced the out-of-date shag carpet in his living room yesterday, installing a fresh layer…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local jokester Jeff Kessler’s impersonation of acclaimed actor Chistopher Walken last night was met with stunned silence, as it was somehow profoundly insensitive…
Being a socialist means I believe in income equality, universal healthcare, and affordable housing, but it sure as fuck doesn’t mean I can’t watch reruns…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local cop and racist bully Dennis Peters, who once brought a gun to Roosevelt High School in 10th grade, is now employed…
SANTE FE, N.M. — A coworker you loathed with every fiber of your being strutted around your funeral yesterday telling everyone you were “the greatest…