MINAS TIRITH — The White Council of the Wise issued a decree today that all fellowships in Middle Earth shall be no larger than five…
WASHINGTON — Calvin, the co-star of the influential newspaper comic strip “Calvin & Hobbes,” was arrested today in conjunction with almost 14 million acts of…
Listen up you capitalist dogs! We’ve been looking at this whole pandemic thing all wrong. Sure, right now the coronavirus is a seemingly unstoppable global…
NEW YORK — The startup company Punk Blue Apron is enjoying a surge in popularity, thanks to their monthly subscription boxes containing a bunch of…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Quarantined father Chris Denny is struggling with his son’s 33-piece jigsaw puzzle after drinking almost an entire 12-pack of beer by himself,…
ATLANTA — Fate Embrace merch guy Edgar Byrd stood aimlessly behind his kitchen table for hours earlier this week in an attempt to work from…
DALLAS — Quarantined man Forest Whitlock was struck with a feeling of great anxiety today upon seeing Rod Serling, host of the 1959 series ‘The…
NORTHPORT, N.Y. — 17-year-old Alex Powell’s LSD stash was flushed down the toilet moments ago and will be replaced with a weekend full of “learning…
WEST CHESTER, Pa. — “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville followed COVID-19 hygiene guidelines yesterday by sanitizing a shopping cart before riding it downhill into an also-sanitized…
NEW YORK — Local man Bryan Watson spent his 28th birthday last week quarantined from friends and family due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but didn’t…
Politicians are arguing over how best to implement a stimulus package and all I can think about is how much I’d like to be back…
LOS ANGELES — Axl Rose arrived six hours late today to a charity livestream event featuring a plethora of other artists performing in their homes…
HEBRON, Ky. — Longtime Amazon fulfillment center worker Jayce Sheffield will use a combination of their accrued sick and vacation hours to attend their own…
WASHINGTON — A select group of centrist moderate Democrats are in talks to cooperate with COVID-19 on a path towards giving both parties what they…