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TLC Confirms That “No Scrubs” Was Also Written About Dave Coulier

NEW YORK — The former members of TLC confirmed a long-held suspicion today that their 1999 hit single “No Scrubs” was written about “Full House” cast member Dave Coulier.

“One day we’re out walking, and [Coulier] and Stamos come driving by, and you know, Coulier leans out and tries to holler at us from the passenger side of the car,” said Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas. “To be honest, I didn’t know who he was at first — I just saw a bunch of hair and a bright, patterned shirt, but then it clicked and I was like, ‘Is that that corny motherfucker, Uncle Joey?’ So I started jotting down some lines, and the rest is history. He was talking like Popeye for some reason, and had this beaver puppet… that part didn’t make it in the song.”

The revelation from TLC has only fueled the ongoing speculation that Coulier’s failed relationship with singer/songwriter Alanis Morrissette was the inspiration for her classic song “You Oughta Know.”

“I can only assume he was fresh off his breakup with Alanis and looking for a rebound, I guess,” said Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins. “So, yeah, he flexed on us, but out of respect for our Canadian queen, we didn’t give him the time of day. He was just lucky Left Eye wasn’t with us that day, that’s for damn sure.”

Fellow “Full House” alum Bob Saget confirmed Coulier’s predilection for musical women.

“I tried to tell him he should probably stop dating musicians, but he wouldn’t listen,” said Saget. “I mean, there’s already one immortal song dedicated to calling you a piece of shit, so maybe you should cut your losses. I never understood why he’s always been eager to take credit for ‘You Oughta Know.’ Like, buddy, did you listen to the lyrics?”

In related news, Blu Cantrell revealed that “Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!)” was also written about Coulier.