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Next Gauged Ears? I Paid for This Wound and It Smells Terrible

Just because the scene is dead doesn’t mean punk fashion is, and we’ve got the next big body mod trend for punking up your Winter! Seriously, this could be the next gauged ears. For real, they have so much in common! They’re fashionable, they’re trendsetting, and, most importantly, they’re a gaping wound expelling an ungodly stench that I paid for with my hard-earned allowance.

Small that? Mmm. Brings me back. I can smell it like it was yesterday. I was 12 years old. We got dropped off by a friend’s mom at Hot Topic. My heroes were bands like MxPx, The Movielife, Patent Pending, and The Descendants logo.

Anyway, I thought stretching my ears would at the very least help me look the part. We bought a four gauge stretcher and were given no instructions beyond, “You’ll look punk as shit.”

I literally blacked out screaming from pain despite holding an ice cube to my ear for 30 minutes or however long some dude on YouTube said. Over the next few days, a thick brown crust developed around it and a very specific odor emerged. An odor I have not experienced the pleasure of harnessing in my nostrils for many years. Until now.

Long story short, I’m into way heavier shit than pop-punk these days, so this time I tied off the tips of my dominant hand’s middle and ring fingers with the hope of contracting Gangrene. Not only should this body mod be free under my parent’s health insurance, but if a missing limb can make Def Leppard’s drummer “The Thunder God,” then this is gonna make me at least, like, “Dr. Slayer” or something.