FOLSOM, Calif. — 35-year-old felon and recent inductee in the Folsom Aryan Brotherhood, Jeremiah Stetson expressed his desire to add more diverse voices to his…
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah — Conservative politicians and activists in Utah declared victory today when they passed a new law that will effectively limit all…
SALEM, Ore. — Metalhead and biology lab technician Chris Mathes once again cut the fingertips off his safety gloves despite the risk of contamination and…
DURHAM, N.C — A federal judge ruled that Durham police officer Darrell Bartlett was justified in shooting his sidearm wildly in all directions because he…
ATLANTA — Local bartender and part-time student Carl Frum’s communication with his father, Bernard Frum, has been pared down to only asking for the streaming…
RICHMOND, Va. — All but one of the residents of 135 Maple Street is dreading the onset of springtime weather, which coincides with housemate Georgina…
UPPER DARBY, Pa. – Vinyl enthusiast Michelle Oliver confounded contractors when she asked if vinyl flooring came in a 180-gram pink marble splatter option, the…
SAN FRANCISCO — Richest man in the world, Elon Musk, acquired Twitter earlier today and will immediately begin rewriting the company’s history to show he…
Portland, Ore. — Local woman Rachel Vance claims that if she had a cartoon counterpart it would be the sarcastic, intelligent Daria Morgendorffer, despite ample…
DALLAS — Skeptical show-goers recently expressed dissatisfaction following the realization that venue parking fees are more expensive than their ticket of admission. “I’ve been waiting…
HYANNIS, Mass. — Local man Eddie Whitman surprised mourners at the funeral of his “best friend” Andreas Pimentel by relitigating the Myspace “Top 8” order…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Food and Drug Administration confirmed that the rate of teenagers rhyming the word “cigarette” with the words “night…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings announced earlier this week that the streaming platform lost 200,000 monthly viewers last quarter, which amounted to…
OGDEN, Utah — Open-minded cop Dennis Alvarez took several minutes to carefully weigh both sides of a fictional narrative he crafted inside his own head…
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local goth office worker Todd Schmidt admitted privately that he is secretly craving a slice of the delicious Funfetti birthday cake that’s…