HAWKINS, Ind. — Local high school senior Jenny Dowd, currently trapped in the parallel universe of the Upside Down, opted to accept imminent death at the hands of Vecna rather than have her mind freed via his favorite song, Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight,” terrified sources confirmed.
“You know what’s worse than being chased by mutant bats and stalked by a superhuman mind invader? When your classmates are trying to lure you out of your personal vision of hell with the corniest song of the decade so far. I can’t believe I forgot to take that goddam cassette out of my Walkman,” said Dowd. “I mean there are kids in my school listening to collegiate-level music like Kate Bush. So yeah, I’d rather have my skull crushed by a demonic demigod than walk through that portal and be known as ‘the Wang Chung Girl’ for the rest of high school.”
Fellow classmate Robin Buckley, who discovered that playing one’s favorite song will snap them out of the Upside Down’s most powerful monster’s trance, said it was easy to discern what would bring Dowd back to reality.
“It only took us like, two seconds to find what song would break her out of Vecna’s spell because she had Wang Chung paraphernalia everywhere in her bedroom. And I mean everywhere, pillowcases, bed sheets, even curtains. Not sure what’s taking her so long to return to reality, but boy is she going to fucking get it when she comes back,” said Buckley as she started the song over for the fifth time. “I hope she likes being called ‘Dance Hall Dork’ until graduation if her eyeballs don’t explode first.”
The psychic serial killing monster known as Vecna began to grow tired of his quarry’s complacency about being brutally murdered.
“She’s more consumed with the guilt of loving an insipid Top 40 pop song rather than being responsible for the drowning death of her cousin. I must admit the satisfaction of breaking every bone in her body is diminished when she clearly wants me to do so. I saw her ‘trip’ over a vine earlier and didn’t move for ten minutes,” said Lord Vecna. “I do understand the embarrassment of loving a song that would so flippantly use the band’s name as a verb, but the least she can do is embrace death with dignity.”
Veca decided to just put Dowd out of her misery after looking into her mind and seeing that her second favorite song was Styx’s “Mr. Roboto.”