BOSTON — Local crowds rejoiced as legendary hometown rockers Aerosmith showed their Boston pride by performing a set filled with the city’s classic intoxicated racist…
DENVER — Local cryptocurrency trader, Evan Silver, pushed the limits of the definition of ‘friend’ when discussing a current relationship in which he was “put…
PHOENIX — Local Metalhead Josh Gunderson beamed with pride after realizing he is very close to owning a living room set thanks to several cinder…
We lost our star wide receiver Brandon Little in a terrible accident earlier this month, and the team was in a bad place. We had…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Executives at Apple TV responded to “an overwhelming amount of customer demands” by announcing that their network will now be referred to…
SEATTLE — A local property management company announced they will begin offering fully furnished punk houses which will include a guy who eats all the…
SEAGRAVES, Texas — Local machete-wielding family of murderous butchers, the Fletchers, are rallying against Hollywood’s constant belittling of their macabre lifestyle, terrified sources report. “Being…
LOS ANGELES — Director of the upcoming action thriller “Day Of The Eagle” Thad Phillips was able to use the classic The Runaways hit “Cherry…
Body mods have come a long way. Once a social oddity, it is now common to see piercings and tattoos on people in many walks…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary alt-crooner Morrissey admitted that he feels creatively fulfilled now that he is able to cancel his performances at the last minute…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…
DALLAS — Legendary ass-kicking institution The School Of Hard Knocks celebrated yet another graduating class of macho, non-PC, bootstrap puller-uppers this past weekend, multiple sources…
LOS ANGELES — Members of pop rock outfit Maroon 5 are wondering when they will finally enjoy the fruits of the band’s success that their…
CENTRALIA, Wash. — Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed of his Dodge Ram 1500 may…
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sam Allister’s life built entirely on doing things out of spite for the extreme bitterness of this fucked world is actually…