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Mom Really Trying To Feel Honored By Giant Neck Tattoo

DENVER — Local Real Estate Agent and mother of four, Sharon Smithson, struggled to find the proper emotions at the unveiling of her youngest son’s permanent tribute to her, awkward feeling onlookers report.

“When Eli said he had done something special for me I thought maybe he had finally moved his old broken down car out of our driveway, or maybe a trip to the spa. But to my utter surprise, he got a gigantic neck tattoo that makes him look like a Russian criminal. I’m sure there are plenty of potential employers and cops who are going to love finding out the meaning behind that one,” said Smithson with a forced smile. “I suppose it’s a nice tattoo. It’s the word ‘MOM’ with these little birds with sewing needles. I guess it’s nice he thinks of me like that, but I haven’t sewn anything in years. I was always too busy taking him to see his probation officer to pick up a hobby.”

While Smithson was taken aback by the unveiling of the new tattoo, her son was happy to see her so surprised.

“I’ve put my mother through a lot, so it was the least I could do. I came across some extra money, wink wink, and rather than just pay Mom and Dad back what I owe them, I decided to give her something that would last her entire life. To see her sitting there in complete silence with tears in her eyes and her mouth wide open was confirmation that she loved it,” said Eli Smithson while strumming a Squire Strat. “I’m actually a little choked up, normally my mom hates tattoos. But she actually said ‘It’s very nice dear.’ Dear? She hasn’t called me that since I was five.”

Cultural anthropologist, Don Sumner, says we shouldn’t be surprised by a generational difference in tributes.

“In the short history of mankind we have seen drastic changes in the ways we honor our elders. In Mesopotamia, certain groups may sacrifice a small animal for the heath of their parents. And in modern times, a student said he had carved ‘Slayer’ into his arm for his third Step-Dad,” said Sumner.”The thing we have to focus on is that the youth still want to honor their elders. And let’s be real, four hours in a tattoo chair is easier than a thirty-minute phone call.”

Smithson was unavailable for further comment as she was busy explaining that she didn’t have any money to loan her son until his next payday.