SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Clay Horton briefly paused fellating a complete stranger at a glory hole in an area gay bar to inquire if…
DAYTON, Ohio — Members of local punk band False Dmitri were shocked to learn that their longtime merch guy had a first, middle, and last…
CHICAGO — Local boyfriend who’s changed, he swears, Britt Keller promised on again-off again girlfriend Carolyn Mueller that he will do as little as humanly…
LOS ANGELES — Bored Marvel and Disney executives confirmed that they have greenlit a Captain America vs. Predator crossover mostly for shits and giggles, insiders…
GLEN BURNIE, Md. — Local punk Cris Martinson was recently honored by Forbes Magazine in their annual “30 People over 30 Who Need to Get…
BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Local punk Tyra Flores was spotted placing sheets of old newspaper over the corpse of her housemate Vince Russo following his untimely…
PHILADELPHIA — Local birdwatcher and ornithology enthusiast Sam Greer watched approximately half of the classic 1970s John Waters film “Pink Flamingos” before reaching the conclusion…
NEW YORK — Local punk Frankie Hartman lamented moments ago that he managed to stand yet again in the exact spot where everyone pushes past…
PHILADELPHIA — Newly single man Tim Donahue brought his CPAP machine to a bar yesterday evening in the event he might hook up upon returning…
BALTIMORE — Members of local punk band Slip and Fall realized they’d neglected to tell their bassist they’d voted him out of the group weeks…
NEW YORK — A mercenary team of ex-special forces, KGB, and other trained combatants attempting to take an entire gala event hostage were single-handedly defeated…
NICASIO, Calif. — Longtime Star Wars fan Jon Eaton was charged with trespassing on Skywalker Ranch, allegedly hoping to ask George Lucas if the seven-and-a-half-foot-tall…
LOS ANGELES — A recording of The Dooley’s frontman Jason Delahunt screaming at his bandmates is slated to appear on the final cut of their…
POCATELLO, Idaho — Local punk Tyler Christensen was purged from the punk community after it was discovered that he had been approved for a Discover…
WASHINGTON — Prominent conservatives nationwide are beginning to inquire if they are still morally obligated to listen to Ariel Pink after the artist was spotted…