Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

October 28, 2020

WILMINGTON, Del. — Local woman Lily-Ann Greenaway is allowing a crust punk she met last week on a dating app…

October 27, 2020

Everyone at my middle school knows the story of “Gus the Gouger,” the creepy old janitor that lures children into…

October 26, 2020

PARKER, Colo. — Middle-aged CPA Ken Feeney has no idea what to think today after MTV enthusiastically responded to a…

October 24, 2020

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local millennial David Hickman Jr. very nearly sent his father a lengthy, impassioned explanation yesterday of…

October 23, 2020

Every environmentally-minded millennial knows the pain of forgetting their reusable grocery bag. Unfortunately, it’s just too easy to buy a…

October 22, 2020

ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local man and alleged “Dove Soap-loving jagoff” Dan Paulson thinks he’s “king shit of hygiene town”…

October 19, 2020

DENVER — Your boyfriend of two years claimed yesterday, in a “totally gross” and “most definitely insincere” showering of affection,…

October 13, 2020

WASHINGTON — ‘90s rap-rock icon Kid Rock is currently having a full blown panic attack after “dropping a major league…

October 8, 2020

DENVER — The entire state of Colorado hid 500 tons of legal marijuana in a building-sized Altoids tin prior to…

October 8, 2020

JERSEY CITY, N.J. — Bassist and new band member Dylan McCuskey must eat no less than 3,000 eggs so his…