Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

October 19, 2020

DENVER — Your boyfriend of two years claimed yesterday, in a “totally gross” and “most definitely insincere” showering of affection,…

October 13, 2020

WASHINGTON — ‘90s rap-rock icon Kid Rock is currently having a full blown panic attack after “dropping a major league…

October 8, 2020

DENVER — The entire state of Colorado hid 500 tons of legal marijuana in a building-sized Altoids tin prior to…

October 8, 2020

JERSEY CITY, N.J. — Bassist and new band member Dylan McCuskey must eat no less than 3,000 eggs so his…

October 3, 2020

ESSEX, Conn. — Former precocious teen Clarissa Darling has gone from “explaining it all” to spending the majority of her…

October 2, 2020

LONDON — The British-born glam rock guitarist who goes by the name “Scazz Slaughter” has almost definitely got “some dumbass…

September 29, 2020

COSTA MESA, Calif. — Slightly tipsy local mom Candace Webber keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that she fucked The Offspring singer…

September 28, 2020

By now you’ve seen the rumors: a collection of some of Mario’s greatest 3D adventures are supposedly going to be…

September 21, 2020

HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man and alleged former drug addict Kyle Drury is “weirdly braggy” about the apparently darkest, most…

September 12, 2020

MEQUON, Wis. — Online friends and otherwise total strangers Oscar Bean and Freddie Wagner have no idea how to end…

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