Man Who Used to Live in Crack House Weirdly Braggy About it
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man and alleged former drug addict Kyle Drury is “weirdly braggy” about the apparently darkest, most…
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Patrick Coyne — Page 15
378 stories found
Neither Person in Chat Knows How to End Conversation
MEQUON, Wis. — Online friends and otherwise total strangers Oscar Bean and Freddie Wagner have no idea how to end…
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Punk Electrocuted Trying To Siphon Tesla
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local hooligan and member of the San Jose punk scene Todd Bettina was severely electrocuted yesterday…
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“I Guess This is Growing Up,” Whispers 40-Year-Old After Buying Kashi Instead of Lucky Charms
POWAY, Calif. — Middle-aged man Jamie Lopez suddenly realized yesterday that he may be finally maturing after putting back a…
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Dad in Hurley Hat’s “Birds and Bees” Talk Mostly Covers How Many in Pink, Stink
IRVINE, Calif. — Local dad and man who frequently wears his sunglasses on the back of his head Jared Stein…
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Man Shocked Meathead Cop with “Punisher” Tattoo Doesn’t Read the Comic Books
SIOUX CITY, Iowa. — Local man Derrick Carney was mercilessly beaten within an inch of his life last night not…
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Woman Quarantining with New Boyfriend Hasn’t Shit in 4 Months
PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not…
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The True Story of How Les Paul Accidentally Invented His World Famous Guitar While Crafting a Bludgeoning Device for Beating Irish Immigrants
Lester William Polsfuss, better known by his stage name Les Paul, was a pioneering musician and the inventor of perhaps…
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Preeteen Boys in Woods Stumble Upon First Gen iPhone Full of Porn
ANDALUSIA, Pa. — A group of preteen boys playing in the woods yesterday were “totally meh” after stumbling upon a…
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REPORT: Guy You Hated Telling Everyone You Were Best Friends Now That You’re Dead
SANTE FE, N.M. — A coworker you loathed with every fiber of your being strutted around your funeral yesterday telling…
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