Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

August 31, 2020

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local hooligan and member of the San Jose punk scene Todd Bettina was severely electrocuted yesterday…

August 30, 2020

POWAY, Calif. — Middle-aged man Jamie Lopez suddenly realized yesterday that he may be finally maturing after putting back a…

August 29, 2020

IRVINE, Calif. — Local dad and man who frequently wears his sunglasses on the back of his head Jared Stein…

August 26, 2020

SIOUX CITY, Iowa. — Local man Derrick Carney was mercilessly beaten within an inch of his life last night not…

August 19, 2020

PORTLAND, Maine. — Local woman Dani Pineda has desperately hidden her humanity from her live-in boyfriend Aaron Adams by not…

August 13, 2020

Lester William Polsfuss, better known by his stage name Les Paul, was a pioneering musician and the inventor of perhaps…

August 5, 2020

ANDALUSIA, Pa. — A group of preteen boys playing in the woods yesterday were “totally meh” after stumbling upon a…

July 27, 2020

SANTE FE, N.M. — A coworker you loathed with every fiber of your being strutted around your funeral yesterday telling…

July 25, 2020

BLUFFINGTON — Roger Klotz, son of famed monster truck driver Edwina Klotz and former middle school bully, is “a fucking…

July 22, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — An anonymous protestor sporting a distinctive mohawk, dozens of gold chains, and American flag Zubaz pants was spotted…

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