Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

May 1, 2020

PHILADELPHIA — Quarantined Bella Vista resident Zack Simmons is so desperate for any interaction with his fellow Philadelphians, he’s resorted…

April 25, 2020

SPRINGFIELD, Va. — A surprising new study found that in reality, your cat’s voice sounds nothing like the lispy, insultingly…

March 30, 2020

ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local man and alleged “wannabe Patch Adams bitch” Dan Paulson is allegedly acting like “he cured…

March 26, 2020

LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was…

March 25, 2020

NEW HAVEN, Conn. — The cam girl you’ve been throwing money at when you should have been working from home…

March 25, 2020

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A heavily discounted DVD of the Steve Carell vehicle “Evan Almighty” is “really fucking pushing it” by…

March 24, 2020

LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit HBO docu-series “McMillions” are pitching their next fast food true crime story,…

March 15, 2020

TACOMA, Wash. — Bassist Todd Francona, recently accused of sexual misconduct by several women, was just happy that his name…

March 9, 2020

DENVER — A controversial new study conducted by “a gaggle of lame-ass dorks with like, basically two followers or whatever”…

March 9, 2020

SALT LAKE CITY — Relatively tidy local woman Aaliyah Thomson is allegedly debating which side of her horrendously stained and…

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