Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

January 25, 2020

COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming…

January 22, 2020

BETHESDA, Md. — Local woman Tabitha Wicksham is “not at all worried” about her husband sleeping with groupies during his…

January 18, 2020

STAFFORD, Texas — 59-year-old custom bathroom tile salesman John Canales was shocked to learn from his punk son yesterday that…

January 14, 2020

DES MOINES, Iowa — Former Vice President Joe Biden requested moments ago to perform a “physical challenge” in lieu of…

January 12, 2020

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Recently stabbed, profusely bleeding, and chronically uninsured drummer Tommy Rivera is insisting his band add at least…

January 11, 2020

ROME, N.Y. — Local folk-punk band and inconsiderate neighbors Brewdog asked the old man who lives downstairs and banging on…

January 11, 2020

NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny,…

January 10, 2020

NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his…

January 6, 2020

Quick, need some mommy advice ASAP. About once a week, usually after getting my eight-month-old son to sleep, there’s a…

December 29, 2019

FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Amateur GG Allin impersonator, and introverted man that has no business being on any stage, Logan…

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