CHICAGO — Perpetually lonely heterosexual man Cliff Parker is living under the mistaken assumption that he would be getting a lot more action if he…
WASHINGTON — Dr. Christine Giles, a scientist at the Global Science Research Institute, just ripped a printing document off an antiquated dot-matrix printer, glanced at…
Power to the people! ACAB! Eat the rich! That’s what we would have told you 30 minutes ago, but we just taste-tested some white wines…
To live in changing times can feel like a curse. To understand the significance of history happening all around you is a difficult thing, and…
SEATTLE — Local man Todd Cohen admitted that he is slowly caving to a misleading ad for the 7/11 hot dog snack known as “The…
Listen, enough is enough! We have to take a stand. The snide jokes and digs and microaggressions have gone for too long. It’s time to…
OAK LAWN, Ill. — Father of four and local businessman Theodore “Ted” Rosenberg considers his chili con carne recipe to be the ultimate legacy he…
Dads are lame. Even if your dad can occasionally impart a life lesson or bring you a case of toilet paper from Costco, dads can…
In the annals of heavy metal singers, few stood as tall as one Ronnie James Dio. As the frontman for Heaven & Hell, Rainbow and…
CHICAGO — Local man Wesley Farkas is worried that a recent proposal to enter into a lifetime commitment with girlfriend Rebecca Bender sent the wrong…
Convenience food gets a bad rap, but things have come a long way since a stringy Salisbury steak in a foil tray! In fact, many…
SEATTLE — Amazon Prime Air UAV Drone #434001 was written up by its supervisor for taking a three minute refueling break during hours that it…
For decades, the hard rock behemoth that was Van Halen ruled the airwaves with the groundbreaking combination of Eddie Van Halen’s virtuoso guitar-playing, Michael Anthony’s…
Character actor, playwright and essayist Wallace Shawn is one of stage and screen’s greatest treasures. From “The Princess Bride” to “Uncle Vanya” to “My Dinner…
WASHINGTON — United States Capitol building ghost, Josiah H. Hubbard, confirmed that he feels a cold chill through his very being every time Kentucky Senator…