Money doesn’t grow on trees and we’re all about that, uhh, hustle. Yep. All about it. All the time. Us, hustling… Sorry, our heart just isn’t in this. Sure, we have five sick side jobs that can make you some extra cash, but why bother? For what does it profit a man to gain the entire material world, if the true price is his soul?
DoorDash Delivery – There’s always money in food delivery! In the last five years alone, restaurant delivery has grown over 30 percent. This is convenient for when you choose to waste your few dwindling days in this world in service of monetary gain. Every moment you spend chasing dollars is a moment your immortal spirit withers on the vine.
Rent Out Your Place – Got a spare room? Airbnb that sucker! And perhaps you will also come to find your home is now nothing more than another cog in the constant machine that forces you to scramble for scraps. When you turn your place of rest into another source of meaningless dross, there can be no rest for your spirit.
SAT Tutor – Back to school! Every day, there are thousands of kids that need help with the all-important SATs, and you can turn that academic desperation into cold hard cash. After all, even knowledge has been commodified. Everything is just more fodder for endless commerce, turned away from Heaven and all its bounties.
Write Erotic eBooks – Yeah, people fucking love that shit. The weirder the better.
Murder for Hire – It’s profitable, but you will absolutely end up in Hell. Now, think this one through: for a simple, basic murder, you can earn upwards of $10,000 for a single kill. Most of the time, you won’t even know what they did to deserve it. But the simple act of violence will put you in violation of the simplest law of the universe: thou shalt not kill. For this side hustle, you would be putting your immortal soul at risk.
But hey, it beats Uber.