So there’s this guy Jake. He just turned 30, and now he’s going on about “eliminating bad habits” and “building a healthier daily routine.” What…
Meet Lisa Bergeron, when her primary care physician told her the weekly recommended number of drinks for a woman her size was between five and…
WASHINGTON. — Local 32-year-old Seth Kepling informed friends Friday night that his iPhone 13, which is covered by an AppleCare plan, actually has better insurance…
One thing about me is I’m the type of fella who likes to turn a negative into a positive. For instance, when the COVID lockdowns…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local man Seth Beaudreault achieved the longest health kick of any American trying to eat better, breaking the world record with…
Walk down the corridors of an oncology wing anywhere in the country and you’ll learn just how “fair” life is. A chorus of “Why her?”…
SAN JOSE — Local middle-aged guy Tom O’Donnell admitted he exclusively skates the curbs surrounding urgent care parking lots in order to increase the efficiency…
LOS ANGELES — Canned water brand Liquid Death and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker are collaborating on a new collectible enema kit that has proctologists around…
HIALEAH, Fla. — A new report from local drunk Emily Kinder indicates that the standards of alcoholism held by her primary care physician are “weak…
Do you remember that god-awful movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button?” It starred Brad Pitt as an old baby who lives backwards and fucks…
AKRON, Ohio — Local graphic designer Harper Staples’ rejuvenating mental health day took a devastating turn when their check engine light suddenly came on earlier…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Upholsterer Gianna Andrews stunned friends, family, and biologists with the discovery that her body consists more of ranch dressing than any other…
CHANDLER, Ariz. — Gina Feldspar, bassist for punk band Piss Ritual, performed a periodic inventory of “good” and “bad” teeth by using her tongue to…
All I’ve heard my entire life is that alcohol is bad for my body, it’s destroying my insides, it’s gonna send me to an early…
The Next Health Guru? This Man Turns Into a Diet and Fitness Expert Every Time He Sees an Article About Lizzo on Facebook
Throw away those workout DVDs, cancel your Weight Watchers membership, and unfollow your favorite fitness influencer on TikTok because there’s a hot new health expert…