20 Albums That Your Parents Hated So Much They Wished You Were Never Born That Turn 20 This Year

You remember 2003, don’t ya? Sure you do. September 11th was still fresh in everyone’s minds, the Devils won the Stanley Cup, you and your high school ex got back together for a month or so in the summer. Simpler times. Has it really been 20 years since S.A.R.S. caused massive panic all over the world? Luckily we learned our lesson, and that was the absolute last time that would ever happen.

You know who definitely remembers 2003? Your parents. They got so used to you living away at college for the semester (or living in your punk house) that when you came back over break (or got evicted), it gave them a major headache. They finally had peace and quiet to be able to listen to their Eagles records undisturbed… that is, until the punk/hardcore/metal/metalcore/ post-hardcore/prog metal/thrash metal scene decided that this was the year to go OFF. Hard to believe all these records turn 20 this year; one more year and they can legally drink without their parents saying shit to them.

Municipal Waste “Waste ‘Em All” (1/27/2003)

The debut album from thrash’s nastiest riff masters and holy SHIT we weren’t ready. January isn’t even over yet, can we have a minute to digest New Year’s first? This should have been the first signal to our parents that their life was going to be miserable.

Comeback Kid “Turn it Around” (3/4/2003)

When Comeback Kid dropped this album every college-aged hardcore fan stopped to marvel at the heaviness of the breakdowns. It wasn’t a reinvention of the genre, it was a slight tweak that made your dad wish his new man cave had soundproofing.

AFI “Sing the Sorrow” (3/11/2003)

AFI already won hardcore with their last 2.5 albums, then 9/11 happened and they got sad and decided to change it up. Mom heard me play this album and said she actually liked some of the songs. Which made me not like them as much and claim they sold out.

Cave In “Antenna” (3/18/2003)

By 2003 Cave In had (rightfully) blown up and gotten recognition for their eclectic style, to the point that they signed a record deal with RCA. I need every band to pay attention right now: if you are going to put out EXACTLY one album on a major label… this is how it’s done.

Rise Against “Revolutions Per Minute” (4/8/2003)

I guess 2003 is the year we decide to start following politics, thanks to Rise Against’s politically-charged brand of skate punk. Sucks that we quit skating the same year we got our driver’s license, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t blast a pure skate punk album as we rode our longboard through town.

Lamb of God “As the Palaces Burn” (5/6/2003)

Everyone knew Lamb of God was pure American metal from their debut “New American Gospel” in 2000, but this shit blew the doors off everything. Still holds up as their best album 20 years later. There’s no quip in this entry because Lamb of God is no fucking joke.

Deftones “Self-Titled” (5/20/2003)

Oof, good luck trying to follow up “White Pony.” Be honest, you didn’t give Deftones the respect they deserved in high school because the one kid that was obsessed with them also liked Mudvayne. And by 2003 it was too late, so you had to wait until “Diamond Eyes” came out to pretend you’d been down forever.

The Mars Volta “Deloused in the Comatorium” (6/24/2003)

Ok hear me out… the core members of At the Drive In are going to record a concept album with Rick Rubin. Not gonna say this is the best album of all time, but not NOT gonna say it either. An hour of just wondering if they ever get tired of playing their instruments so fast. What a banger.

Beloved Failure On” (6/24/2003)

How did this band know this is exactly what we were looking for? Melodic hardcore and screamo all in one. Two things that could very well be true: Beloved is the most underrated/underappreciated hardcore band of all time, and this album perfectly encapsulates the sound of the time. An icon, even if our dad ended up using our Beloved shirt as an oil rag.

Every Time I Die “Hot Damn!” (7/1/2003)

Even for those who were fans of ETID before 2003, “Hot Damn!” was a revelation. The album taught us how good lyrics, riffs, and breakdowns could be, and we were never the same. Absolutely groundbreaking record. May they RIP.

Poison the Well “You Come Before You” (7/1/2003)

Is July 1, 2003 the best date in hardcore history? Both ETID and PTW released the best albums of their careers. But wait a minute… where are the breakdowns?! You mean I’m going to have to wait 20 years to realize this is the best album by the best hardcore band ever? I don’t have that kind of time.

Thrice “Artist in the Ambulance” (7/22/3003)

How do you follow the best album of all time? TAITA is good, but you know what would be really sweet? If they had some guest vocalists from some of our favorite bands, including some that don’t even exist yet, on like half the songs. A boy can dream…

The Bled “Pass the Flask” (7/29/2003)

Best breakdowns of the year and best song names in the game. They probably named it “Pass the Flask” cause this is the album that made us break edge. Or maybe that was part of a rough break up, either way, scraping off all our straight edge bumper stickers was a pain in the ass.

The Bouncing Souls “Anchors Aweigh” (8/26/2003)

The New Jersey punkers had already been a band for 15 years and had released 5 albums before this monument. Boy do I hope this brand of melodic, old school punk rock becomes popular and the Souls get all the credit. Would hate for them to get gaslighted by another band from New Brunswick.

The Bronx The Bronx” (8/26/2003)

2003 was the year of the monster, genre-defining debuts it would seem. This is a fun one, eh? Where the hell did these guys come from? I’m assuming the Bronx. It also reminds me that my parents never wanted me to go to New York City because they thought I’d be pushed in front of a train.

Avenged Sevenfold “Waking the Fallen” (8/26/2003)

Like their forefathers before them, A7X put out a serious Metalcore masterpiece for their second album. Unfortunately for them, the genre will never catch on and they’ll never play a big venue like Madison Square Garden or anything.

Thursday “War All the Time” (9/16/2003)

How do you follow the best post-hardcore album of all time? Just put out another one. Easy peasy Jersey squeezy. The inspiration for the album title came from the constant battle of not wanting to clean your room before company came over.

Coheed & Cambria “In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3” (10/7/2003)

Okay, lightning can strike twice I guess. After their 2002 debut album “The Second Stage Turbine Blade,” they come out with this monster record and solidify themselves in the genre of… uhh, damned if I know. SURELY lightning can’t strike a third time with their next album though, can it? Either way, dad said we’re too old for comic books.

Between the Buried and Me “The Silent Circus” (10/21/2003)

The second album for this hardcore/metal hybrid group is quite the doozy. I wonder where they will go from here. I mean this album is sweet, but what’s next? Space prog metal? If that happens maybe my dad will actually check it out.

Horse the Band “R. Borlax” (11/25/2003)

Another album, another debut. At this point, 2003 has to be up there with 1986 as the best year in hardcore history. As for Horse the Band… remember how much you loved the music in all the video games you played as a kid? Well, I’ve got some great news.

 

Honorable Mention:

Linkin Park “Meteora” (3/25/2003)

I know, I know… “Radio rap/rock sucks! The Mudvayne kid also liked Linkin Park!” It was fun and games until you actually listened to it and realized that it actually goes pretty hard.

Every Rise Against Album Ranked Worst to Best

Ah, Rise Against, also known as the token band for PETA and for having your favorite song in “Guitar Hero 3” If you’re over the age of twenty-five or so, you probably can recall a time when Chicago icons Rise Against was dominating airplay on just about every alternative and contemporary rock station in the country. Hailing from an era when pop punk was booming and bands addressing political and social issues were on the decline, Rise Against stood out from the crowd with their socially conscious but always catchy lyrics and fearless sound. Whether they were busy protesting wars, raising awareness of the vanishing American dream, or simply portraying the struggles of growing up poor in mercilessly cold Chicago, Rise Against has always had a gift for turning the painful cries of the disenfranchised into anthems that are impossible to not sing along to. It’s been far too long since Rise Against has truly been granted the spotlight and the last couple of years have more than proven there’s still plenty of horse shit for us to rise against today, so we’re taking the time to rank every one of their albums from worst to best – let’s get right to it.

9. Wolves (2017)

While “Wolves” itself is “Far From Perfect,” it definitely includes some tracks worth blasting on your headphones while stuck sandwiched against yet another group of Chicago tourists on the L train arguing over what deep dish pizza they should try. “Bullshit” comes to mind immediately, as it features ska-punk legend Jesse Michaels delivering killer backup vocals. “The Violence” on the other hand successfully plays to the band’s strength of producing kick ass guitar-led melodies. Much of the fun seems to stop there though. While other tracks like “How Many Walls” and “Welcome to the Breakdown” were meant to call out the atrocities of a burger-gobbling former president, they didn’t quite pack the punch needed for it to garner as much controversy and widespread appeal as the rest of their discography.

Play it again: “Miracle” and “The Violence”
Skip it: “How Many Walls”

8. The Black Market (2014)

This was the album where Tim McIlrath decided to approach his songwriting with a deep introspective tone. While the album is solid with notable songs like “Bridges,” it’s no surprise that the politically-charged protest songs are more fun than ones where things get so personal. That’s right, fast-paced songs like “The Eco-Terrorist In Me” about burning down factory farms are more fun than the more “thoughtful” songs like “Methadone” which doesn’t have a single mention of arson. Go figure.

Play it again: “Bridges” and “The Eco-Terrorist In Me”
Skip it: “Methadone”

7. The Unraveling (2001)

Kicking off with a soundbite from 1996 psychological thriller film “The Cable Guy” with Jack Black questioning, “Are you ready to rock?” Rise Against’s 2001 debut album instantly set them apart from the pop punk sound that was already dominating the new millennium. This album featured heavy, but controlled, chaos. You know – the kind of hardcore album that you would want to experience live while dodging drop kicks in the pit of a lively Chicago punk bar. It also revealed tracks like “My Life Inside Your Heart” and “Everchanging,” both offering a first glimpse of the melodic tendencies that would shape the band’s future releases.

Play it again: “Alive and Well” and “Everchanging”
Skip it: “Stained Glass and Marble”

6. Nowhere Generation (2021)

Spotlighting the failing promise of the American Dream, 2021’s “Nowhere Generation” brought Rise Against’s sound into the complete shitshow that we all find ourselves in today. Opening with a spooky line from the French anarchist anthem “L’Internationale” before thrashing into some of the band’s most in-your-face tracks yet, this album features Rise Against doing what they do best – delivering their hardcore sound complete with pain-stoked melodies that highlight the hypocrisy of the times. Leveraging days of intricate socio-economic research and even interviews with the band’s own children, “Nowhere Generation” successfully captures the hopeless and fractured society today’s youth find themselves struggling to survive.

Play it again: “Nowhere Generation” and “Broken Dreams, Inc”
Skip it: “Talking to Ourselves”

5. Revolutions per Minute (2003)

After gathering a respectably sized fanbase with their debut, the pressure was on for Rise Against when it came to make their follow up album, “Revolutions per Minute.” Fortunately, what they delivered was a relentless call for revolution featuring impressive songwriting that even their biggest fans never saw coming. Right off the bat this album is noticeably more melodic than its predecessor. It’s as if the band realized that Tim McIlrath can in fact sing, and that they should leverage the hell out of that. From tracks like “Dead Ringer” addressing dumbass claims that they “sold out” to “Blood-Red, White & Blue” covering everything fucked up about 9/11, this album showcases the band’s over-the-top musicianship and dark perspective on society. One of the album’s tracks, “Like the Angel,” also secured a spot on the “Tony Hawk Underground” soundtrack, which was a right of passage for any self-respecting punk band of the time. As far as second albums go, it’s hard to get better than this.

Play it again: “Like the Angel” and “Black Masks & Gasoline”
Skip it: “To the Core”

4. Endgame (2011)

“Endgame” gets a lot of hate and I can’t for the life of me see why. Sure – plenty of the album’s tracks sound structured for radio, but that doesn’t make them bad at all. Besides, there’s a reason why this album was their biggest commercial success – that reason being that it features some legit smashes. With lyrics like, “We are the orphans of the American dream, so shine your light on me,” and a song directly linking rising teen suicide rates with homophobia, “Endgame” features some of Rise Against’s most powerful songwriting in their entire catalogue. It rightfully belongs ranked just below their most celebrated albums, even if you got burnt out from hearing “Help Is On the Way” on the radio during every morning commute.

Play it again: “Satellite”
Skip it: “Disparity By Design”

Honorable Mention: The Ghost Note Symphonies, Vol. 1 (2018)

By 2018, Rise Against fans had been requesting an acoustic album for quite some time, so Tim McIlrath and the crew decided to deliver just that with “The Ghost Note Symphonies, Vol. 1”. It’s no surprise that this album turned out so great, seeing how several of the band’s stripped-down acoustic-led songs like “Swing Life Away” and “Hero of War” already were among their most beloved songs. The end result is a fun and extremely listenable album with a flawless and fresh take on plenty of Rise Against favorites that at least deserves a mention in our list.

 

Play it again: “Audience Of One – Ghost Note Symphonies” (One of Rise Against’s biggest sleeper hits works like a fucking charm in acoustic)
Skip it: “Faint Resemblance – Ghost Note Symphonies” (Swap the ukulele for an acoustic guitar and this wouldn’t have sounded like a weird punk luau)

3. Siren Song of the Counter Culture (2004)

“Siren Song of the Counter Culture” was the first Rise Against album I ever heard, and that means it was probably the same for you because there was no way you knew about them before me, ok? The album completely evolved the band from a Chicago sensation into a breakthrough act thanks to several hits featuring a distinctive sound that still holds up today. Whether you’re looking at the solemn but ever-hopeful story of a couple struggling to make ends meet in “Swing Life Away,” the brightly euphoric opening guitar riff of “Paper Wings,” or the unorthodoxly positive but still batshit wild rager that is “Give It All,” it’s easy to see why this album helped Rise Against truly dip their toes into the national spotlight for the first time.

Play it again: “Paper Wings,” “Give It All,” and “Swing Life Away”
Skip it: “To Them These Streets Belong”

2. Appeal to Reason (2008)

“Appeal to Reason” strayed away from the underground hardcore punk sound Rise Against perfected in previous releases. While this made plenty of longtime fans cautious at first, the album fortunately turned out to be a total banger. Notable hits include “Re-Education (Through Labor)” serving as a fist-pumping anthem for the world’s exploited working class, “Savior” covering a struggling relationship in the most delightfully dramatic way possible, and the band’s arguably saddest song ever, “Hero of War,” sharing a soldier’s journey from an underprivileged teenager targeted by military recruiters to a PTSD suffering veteran so haunted by the horrors of war to the point that he’s on the verge of suicide. Seeing that the album peaked at number 3 on the Billboard 200, “Appeal to Reason” is proof that there will always be an international audience ready to celebrate punk bands rooted in activism – as long as they produce some fucking jams.

Play it again: “Re-Education (Through Labor)” and “Audience of One”
Skip it: “Hairline Fracture”

1. The Sufferer & the Witness (2006)

As a proud resident of Chicago, I knew this would be the Rise Against album for me the second I heard it open with “Intro/Chamber The Cartridge” parodying the intercom voice of the Chicago L train with, “This is Noise.” Oozing with showmanship and genuine dedication to the hometown that built them up, “The Sufferer & the Witness” is a damn perfect album full of distinctive nods to the band’s punk activist roots while featuring an evolved sound that drew in all kinds of new fans. While nothing dates a band more today than having albums from the midst of the Bush administration, the cries for action driven by powerfully urgent shouts from Tim McIlrath and wailing guitar featured on “The Sufferer & the Witness” feel timeless. You could also say it’s eerie how much the lyrics of Rise Against’s globally-acclaimed song “Prayer of the Refugee” match with the conflicts of today, such as the totally-fucked war in Ukraine. The song almost comes off as a warning that the wars of tomorrow will always bring forced displacement and discrimination – while somehow still pulling off being one of the most contagiously explosive punk anthems of all time.

Play it again: “Prayer of the Refugee,” “Drones,” and “Ready to Fall”
Skip it: Don’t fucking insult me

One of This Venue’s Door Guys Always Tells the Truth and One Always Lies, Can You Enter Before the Band Starts?

The time has finally come: you’re about to see your favorite band at the Mud Crotch, your town’s best and only music venue. However, a word of warning for a weary traveler: one of the door guys at the Mud Crotch always tells the truth, but the other will only tell lies.

If you can figure out their enigmatic, borderline-racist statements, you’ll get to see former Styx singer Dennis DeYoung’s drummer’s new band!

Go forth, music fan! Beware of the door guys and their labyrinth of paradoxes!

You: Hey, I’m here for the show.

Door Guy #1: Oh yonder traveler, no doubt a concert you seek, but to enter these doors, you can only one question speak!

Door Guy #2: Behind one door is the show by the drummer who works with the guy who used to be in Styx, but behind the other door is just more of our tricks!

Think: you can ask only one question, but one will lie and the other will tell the truth. Hurry! It sounds like the opener is wrapping up with a bad cover of an Aerosmith song!

You: I’m friends with the manager.

Great, that’ll buy you some time, though you also kind of seem like a dick now!

Door Guy #1: He’s not in tonight. Uh, so that question is not right.

Door Guy #2: That wasn’t a question at all, let’s see your ID, bu-bawl.

Bu-bawl? These guys aren’t very committed to the rhyme thing. Oh well, maybe keep stalling?

You: Well I mean, I’m pretty sure my name is on the list. I’m just saying.

Door Guy #1: If on this list your name your name appears, myself you may call Richard Gears.

You: Richard Gears? What does that even…

Door Guy #2: It’s hard to make rhymes on the spot! Now ask your question, last chance you’ve got!

Okay, you’ve got one chance to see this show. Just go for it.

You: Which door the other guy would say is the right one?

Door Guy #1: Ah, the right question to ask, to accomplish your task! This one.

Door Guy #2: Yeah, that one.

You: Right, yeah, I just realized you guys are just copying a riddle I learned in like the third grade. Kind of a hacky bit guys.

Door Guy #1: Dude, that’s rude.

Door Guy #2: Very rude!

You: Well if one of you is lying, I guess one of you actually thinks I have a point.

Door Guy #1: Fuck off.

Door Guy #2: Just go in. Six-drink minimum, asshole.

Report: 72% of Designated “Jamming Spaces” in Basements Go Un-Jammed In Each Year

WARRENTON, Va. – A disappointing 72% of basement areas set up as “jamming spaces” in U.S. homes go un-jammed in every year, according to a shocking report from the Center for Residential Jamming Studies (CRJS).

“Even the best-insulated, well-stocked jamming spaces across the country become tragically dank and dusty,” stated Ginny Edwards, lead analyst at CRJS. “Amateur musicians who claim they invite their buddies over every Thursday night to drink beer and casually play their instruments are, by and large, total liars. We found that ‘jamming spaces’ shared with laundry rooms fared even worse, with 85% hardly ever utilized for their stated purpose. Guitars and drum sets turn into nothing more than expensive clothes drying racks.”

Embarrassed residents who reluctantly guided reporters into their homes’ basements confirmed the lack of casual musicianship.

“I guess I could take down the egg crate foam from the walls at this point,” admitted Alberto Morley, a 32-year-old IT professional and member of inactive local punk band Serpentine Shellac. “But when my little cousin came over last summer for a birthday party, she made me do all the funny sound effects on the keyboard, so there we go,” he added, shoving aside a stack of plastic tubs labeled “XMas Decorations: FRAGILE” to access his keyboard and a long-abandoned bass guitar. “And sometimes our cat Hazelnut chews the amp cord after she jumps out of her litter box right there. Oh yeah, it’s really shredded up now. Looks like its been used for real.”

Seasoned local real estate agent Donna-Lynn Quadrotto said the CRJS’ troubling report will not change her approach when showing homes.

“This is nothing new,” Quadrotto explained. “People get excited when they tour a place and see basically any empty and reasonably dry basement area that has a floor and walls. It’s the same as when they say they’ll finally ‘have the space’ to do their ‘Yoga With Adriene’ videos every day or build a wood workshop or whatever. Yeah, sure. No amount of bad press can dampen the irresistible call of a room for hobbies. So any time I have a client who mentions music or ‘the guys,’ I get that basement ready. make sure to throw down a cheap rug, sprinkle a few drops of whiskey on it for atmosphere and to cover up any mold smell, and borrow a few guitars for staging. They eat it up every time.”

At press time, CRJS reported that jamming spaces thrive in small illegal studio apartments, where they conveniently double as eating, sleeping, and drug consumption spaces.

16 Alt-Rock Albums That Turn 30 This Year and Serve to Remind You That Death is Right Around the Corner

Ah, the 90s. That magical decade of grunge, flannel and other things we here at The Hard Times don’t remember, due to a crippling keyboard cleaner addiction. But still, the ‘90s was truly a decade of the highs and lows of pop-culture. One that gave us “Friends” or, depending on your taste… gave us “Friends.”

It may seem impossible to think that 1993 was thirty years ago, but with a renaissance in ‘90s culture booming among Gen-Z (and a possible “King of the Hill” reboot on the way), it seems appropriate to turn back the clock a little bit and take a listen to these alt-rock albums that are turning thirty this year.

The Breeders “Last Splash”

The Breeders are pure ‘90s goodness. Kim Deal from the Pixies? Check. Tanya Donelly from Belly? Check. Kinda. She’s a minimal presence on this album, appearing only on the tie-in EP. But still, this second album by The Breeders combines grunge, punk, garage rock and surf rock, as well as Deal’s icy and detached vocal delivery in an absolutely exquisite way.

 

Pearl Jam “Vs.”

It’s interesting to consider that this album came out the same year as “In Utero.” Like the Nirvana album, this is pure grunge chaos with Eddie Vedder at times doing more wailing than singing, on songs like “Animal.” But where “In Utero” is pure anarchy, screaming and misery, “Vs.” is an exercise in control and style, with songs like the more mellow “Daughter,” showing an enormous ability to bend style and create a diverse and engaging listening experience.

 

 

Morphine “Cure For Pain”

There is something vaguely evil (in a good way) about the slinky, bass-driven, jazz-rock conjured here. Mark Sandman’s writing and playing are enticing and coldly detached, while the music itself carries almost a jam-band like spirit. It’s not hard to see why a song like “Buena” left the imprint it did, with its effortless cool, but even for the deep cuts, this album is well-worth revisiting. Side note: how cool of a last name is “Sandman” though? It’s like getting a new license plate that randomly says “666 420.”

 

Beck “Golden Feelings”

Yes, it’s finally happened. The debut album by anti-folk troubadour, erstwhile Scientologist and one-time “Futurama” guest-star Beck has finally turned 30. Really, “Golden Feelings” feels as much like a musical shitpost as it does an actual album, with Beck’s distorted vocals and warped playing. It’s astonishing, listening to it, how in just a few years, Beck was able to go from the bizarre sound on songs like “The Fucked Up Blues” to the rollicking, rock of “Midnite Vultures,” but Beck has always been a musical chameleon.

 

Melissa Etheridge “Yes I Am”

Oh sure, to some of you, it’s just “that CD that Mom has in her car,” but on listening to Melissa Etheridge’s “Yes I Am,” it’s not hard to imagine why this blues-rock album had the impact that it did, with singles like “Come to My Window,” “If I Wanted To” and “I’m the Only One” becoming her signature song, and the album itself has come to be remembered as Etheridge’s “coming out album.” On top of all that, it sounds fantastic and is well worth more modern attention.

 

 

Björk “Debut”

Icelandic singer-songwriter, Björk has had an incredible and varied career. Her songs contain the same weird, dreamy, experimental spirit of Kate Bush or Tori Amos and her song “Venus As a Boy” is probably one of the best to come out of this year. (Remember when it was in “Léon: The Professional?” Wasn’t that a great movie?) But ultimately, whether she’s acting for Lars Von Trier or Robert Eggers or being played by Winona Ryder pissing off Alex Tribeck, everything stems from this international debut, an album so sophisticated and wide-reaching it’s almost shattering to remember her only prior releases were as a member of a jazz combo and as a child artist releasing novelty songs.

Nirvana “In Utero”

On Nirvana’s third and final album, it’s impossible not to hear the pain and self-destructiveness that plagued the final months of Kurt Cobain’s life. The original title, after all, was “I Hate Myself and I Want to Die.” As far as the band’s grunge sound goes, this is the grungiest, with distorted, reverb-heavy guitars and vocal performance from Cobain that feels more like tortured wailing than singing. This is something that feels horrific at first, but becomes oddly soothing the longer one listens.

 

 

Belly “Star”

Eerie, jangly, abrasive and oddly soothing, “Star” – the first album by the Tanya Donelly fronted band Belly – is a truly indispensable ‘90s relic. On this record, Belly truly feels like a slightly harder, drone-heavy, American answer of the witchy jangle pop of the Cranberries, with Donnelly’s distinct, often detached vocals perfectly countering hard-driving guitar. With odd song structures and strange lyrics, Star isn’t necessarily easy to get into. The album, and the band that made it, seem overlooked today, which is both odd and a little sad, since both “Star” and Belly were nominated for Grammys. Standout songs include singles “Feed the Tree” and “Slow Dog,” as well as the witchy “Low Red Moon.” This album is well worth your time, especially in one sitting on a cold, overcast afternoon.

PJ Harvey “Rid of Me”

PJ Harvey is the coolest. Like Tom Waits or Leonard Cohen, she seems almost to be a genre in and of herself, where each of her albums feel strikingly different from each other, each imbued with their own artistic personas, but each one feeling like they could only be made by her.“Rid of Me” Harvey’s sophomore album, is different even by her standards. This is evident in the songs with “Man-Size Sextet” sounding like a lost Bernard Herrmann score, and an eerie re-working of Bob Dylan’s “Highway 61 Revisted,” as well as the almost over-the-top “Rub ‘til It Bleeds.” These are droning, deranged, sexual songs that are pure PJ Harvey and show an artist with a fearlessness to rival her true talent.

Counting Crows “August and Everything After”

The most interesting thing about getting into Counting Crows is realizing that the best part of any of their songs is Adam Duritz’s heroic, belting voice, while the worst part is Adam Durtiz’s freakish, caterwalling seal-bark. Often, these two versions of Duritz co-exist within the same song. Sometimes they happen at the exact same moment. Duritz’s ability to bring us into his world is best felt in the first three songs, “Round Here,” “Omaha” and “Mr. Jones.” His delivery on “Anna Begins” has, at points in my life, actually made me tear up. On the whole, “August and Everything After” is ghostly, strangely uplifting and relentlessly nostalgic. A perfect early Fall album.

Uncle Tupelo “Anodyne”

The fourth and final album by the Illinois-based Roots Rock/Alt-Country band is, in many ways, an oddity in their discography. With Jeff Tweedy as one of Uncle Tupelo’s co-frontmen, the band spent the first chunk of their career making more or less straight punk music, with country/folk inflections. Its opener, “Slate,” is a fiddle-driven tune that feels almost aggressively nostalgic, while tracks like “The Long Cut” feel like the perfect accompaniment for a country road trip. Ultimately, though it does drag at points, tracks like “New Madrid” and “Give Me Back the Key to My Heart” are worth every slow moment. “Anodyne” is a brilliant slice of alt-country/roots rock, a great swan song for Jay Farrer and Jeff Tweedy’s creative partnership and a great intro piece to a band that was often so much more punk than expected.

Mazzy Star “So Tonight That I Might See”

In many ways, the sophomore album by California-based dream-pop/psych rock duo Mazzy Star has a lot in common with “Blacklisted” by Neko Case, despite the almost decade in between their release. Both are psychedelic and reverb-heavy, both conjure up not just country and rock images, but an oddly chaotic desert-like sonic landscape. “So Tonight That I Might See” feels like the soundtrack to an unmade David Lynch film. A noirish, luxurious album of midnight images that calls to mind lonely nights out in the desert, with scorpions and tarantulas on the prowl and forgotten corners of U.S. states you’ve never been to.

Aimee Mann “Whatever”

Aimee Mann is one of the few artists that seems genuinely impossible to dislike once you’ve given her a fair chance. Like Tom Waits by way of Daria, Mann’s lyrics often balance extreme darkness (see “Home by Now,” “Just Like Anyone” or “Philly Drinks”) with extreme, acerbic, deadpan humor. “Whatever” is Mann’s solo debut, and a supremely confident debut album for an artist who has always stayed true to her style and convictions, even as her sound has evolved drastically over the years.

 

 

Liz Phair “Exile in Guyville”

There’s no doubt this album rocked a lot of dorm rooms at Wellesley when it first debuted, with opener “6’1” and lead single “Never Said” serving up shredding guitar and a blunt delivery that permeates through the album. Songs like “Help Me Mary,” “Girls! Girls! Girls!,” “Divorce Song” and “Johnny Sunshine” pack the album with strangely catchy bops, while “Dance of the Seven Veils,” “Fuck and Run” and especially “Flower,” pack the album with a raw, almost supernaturally frank sexuality. “Exile in Guyville” is a perfect mixture of Riot Grrrl, Grunge and Punk Rock, as well as something uniquely original that only a first-time artist with no more fucks to give could muster.

Radiohead “Pablo Honey”

From its opener “You,” this debut by English male-manipulator – I mean – rock band Radiohead is crunchy, staticky and almost industrial. Thom Yorke’s vocals feel more like a rigid and fragile Jeff Buckley than the “ghost of Victorian boy who was drowned in a well by his governess” tones they would become by the time he made the “Suspiria” soundtrack, or even “OK Computer.” On the whole, while the album isn’t as polished as later outputs by the group, there is a lot here, with break-out single “Creep,” feeling like a festering, oozing send-up to Leonard Cohen’s song “The Future,” while “How Do You?” plays like a lost track off of “Ziggy Stardust” if Ziggy had been really into paint thinner. (I mean that in a good way.)

The Cranberries “Everybody Else is Doing It, So Why Can’t We?”

Quite simply one of the greatest albums of all time, the debut by the Irish alt-rock band The Cranberries produced two all time hits in “Dreams” and “Linger,” as well as a minor masterpiece in “Sunday,” which seems to be gaining new life on TikTok. Throughout their career, the jangly sounds of the Cranberries remained consistent even as Dolores O’Riordan nuanced her punk-infused “angry Irish woman” persona. As such, even though they never made a bad album, it’s forgivable and understandable to think of this one as their best. Even the deep cuts, songs like “I Still Do,” “Waltzing Back,” “Pretty” and “Wanted” shimmer.

New Photos Reveal Jack Antonoff in the Studio With Big Mouth Billy Bass

BERGENFIELD, N.J. — Acclaimed producer Jack Antonoff was seen collaborating with animatronic singing sensation Big Mouth Billy Bass according to recent photos, sources confirmed.

“I met Billy while I was in Taylor Swift’s dad’s basement,” Antonoff explained from his studio. “I walked by Big Mouth, and he hit me with this incredible cover of ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy.’ I was completely taken by the compressed vocals. It really gave a 50 cent speaker from China kind of vibe. Billy’s also totally unafraid to repeat the same 30 seconds of a song over and over again. That’s a thing most artists shy away from that I think can be really powerful. I’m hoping with our new project, I can reach the last 3% of people on Earth that haven’t heard my music.”

The replica largemouth bass was happy to speak on working with his new partner just as someone walked by to trigger his motion sensor.

“Jack’s a great collaborator. He’s really been transforming my creative process,” Billy explained, mounted above Antonoff’s synth collection. “I think the main reason Jack and I work so well together is that he already uses a lot of weird old electronics bought off eBay to make his sound, so this isn’t much of a jump for him. He’s also been really good about changing my batteries. Some people get weird about that. I’m hoping if I play my cards right, I can get Jack to ask Lana Del Rey for a feature. No more being mounted next to that deer your uncle shot, or stored in a plastic bin in a garage. Soon, I’ll be mounted next to gold records!”

Despite Billy’s excitement, not everyone is looking forward to the new collaboration.

“I prefer Big Mouth’s earlier stuff,” said Hunter Finch, a longtime fan of the singing fish. “By earlier stuff, I mean ‘Take Me To The River.’ Billy shouldn’t be singing any other songs. It completely destroys his artistic integrity. Is working with the biggest stars on the planet not enough? He’s already conquered the pop and indie music scenes, now he has to conquer the novelty toy scene too? It doesn’t feel right. It seems Jack will work with just about anybody. I mean who’s next? The Chicks?”

At press time, new photos revealed Jack Antonoff stepping out to lunch with a five-foot-tall motion-activated dancing Santa.

Every Superdrag Album Ranked Worst to Best

Knoxville, Tennesee’s Superdrag is the most underrated band of the ‘90s (and possibly of all time); so, so sorry Jellyfish. While most know the alternative rock/power pop group for their blistering and catchy minor-hit single “Sucked Out” and probably not much more. The band released A LOT of other songs in the form of five studio albums, compilations, EPs, live tracks, B-sides, demos, rarities, and more. For the sake of this piece, we strictly ranked their five LPs; nerds, pine away.

5. Industry Giants (2009)

Reunion records are tough, as time off from a (sometimes well-deserved) hiatus can bring out the very, very good gems or the brutally, brutally ugly stinkers of a recently reformed act. Luckily, it is difficult for frontman and chief songwriter John Davis to write a bad hook, so the worst Superdrag LP is better than most bands’ best efforts. Screw off, Rembrandts. Anyway, it’s quite sad that the band’s swan song effort went out with a whimper. Hopefully, they try to cut another album, or with any luck they don’t; whatever.

Play it again: “Slow to Anger”
Skip it: “You’re Alive”

4. Last Call for Vitriol (2002)

“Last Call for Vitriol,” Superdrag’s final album before the band’s hiatus in 2003 has some solid gems like their beloved sleeper track “Feeling Like I Do,” but it’s an overall inconsistent listen front-to-back. The album starts off super strong with “Baby Goes to 11” but rolls into eleven tracks that woefully take the listener on an overly frenetic ride. Luckily the next three records listed have no filler whatsoever and are extremely re-listenable.

Play it again: “Feeling Like I Do”
Skip it: “Stu”

 

3. Regretfully Yours (1996)

This bronze metal slot for the band’s debut LP “Regretfully Yours” may shock both casual and hardcore fans of the band, but the silver and gold medal winners listed below are simply (much or slightly) better; nostalgia is a hell of a drug, and y’all need to sober up. Admittedly, the band’s debut and only radio semi-smash “Sucked Out” is a perfect single (and an incredible combination of sweet and sour). If you wish that The Beatles and The Kinks used more bass-heavy, fuzzy, and slightly dissonant distortion, then this record has your name written all over it. If you don’t wish the same, then this record is for you as well as it is undeniable in the best way ever; suckers.

Play it again: “Cynicality”
Skip it: “Garmonbozia”

2. In the Valley of Dying Stars (2000)

Superdrag kicked off the century with a stripped-down and back-to-basics record that counterbalanced the lush album (just you wait) mentioned next. “I want to rock and roll, but I don’t want to deal with the hassle” is one of the most bitter and biting opening lines to ANY album, and we’re all here for it (and the subsequent rock-age that happens immediately afterward). Palm muted power chords rule, fam. Plus, the gorgeous and haunting masterpiece “Unprepared” might be the band’s best song in its extensive and incredible catalog; if you disagree gimme animosity.

Play it again: “Unprepared”
Skip it: “Bright Pavilions”

1. Head Trip in Every Key (1998)

The late and great Jerry Finn (producer of incredible albums by Blink-182, AFI, and many, many more) helped shape and visualize thirteen tracks to perfection on the band’s sophomore effort “Head Trip in Every Key.” Often appearing on many snooty hipster writers that try too hard to be cool’s best-of-album lists, this record is truly, truly deserving of such. Well played, snobs. The album was a big-budget project, and it certainly sounds like such in a non-contrived way from start to finish. In closing, the many tracks and instruments on each song make the band sound huge as fuck, and we would’ve killed to see this masterpiece played with a full symphony in 1998 (or now; bros, it’s the 25th anniversary of the album this year).

Play it again: “I’m Expanding My Mind”
Skip it: Dude, don’t fucking skip shit. Dumbass.

H2O Shows Lyrical Growth With New Song About What It Was Like Being a Band In 1996

LOS ANGELES — New York hardcore band H2O surprised fans with their lyrical growth and maturity with a new song about what it was like for them to be a band in 1996, shocked sources confirmed.

“After the past 28 years of telling our story lyrically, we really wanted to explore new territory and write about something we’ve never talked about before — what it was like the second year we all played music together,” said lead vocalist Toby Morse. “This song really gets into what it’s like being now in your mid-20s and playing in a hardcore band at the start of the second Clinton administration and the invention of the internet. And now that we are all in our 50s in 2023, it seems like the right time for us to tell that story.”

Some die-hard fans of the band report that they are unsure about the new direction that H2O are going in, however.

“I don’t know, man. I just want to hear more about 1995 and being a brand-new band. I don’t like thinking about bands I really like getting older with members who are 24 years old,” said Charles Levingstone, 51. “Don’t get me wrong, I really like the new song and hearing about H2O going out on tour for the second time and the part about The New York Yankees just winning their 23rd World Series, but it just makes me think that time is going by fast and that someday I’m going to be 30, even though that day was over twenty years ago.”

YouTuber Finn McKenty, who creates videos for his channel “The Punk Rock MBA” says he is planning on doing a deep dive into the importance of the new H2O song and the year 1996.

“I really want to get into why this is such a milestone for the band but also how 1996 was such an important year for punk and hardcore because it was the year after 1995 which was also one the most important years, except of course for 1994,” said McKentry loudly. “This new H2O song just highlights how great the mid-90s were for music. It’s crazy how everything exciting that ever happened in hardcore coincidentally happened in a span of a couple years when I was young and just getting into it.”

At press time, Morse announced that the band was working on new material about what it was like in 2008 when they wrote their song “1995.”

Photo by George L. Koroneos.

5 Stages of Accepting Your Favorite Band’s New Album Sucks

Grief comes for us all. Your dog dies. You get dumped. Your all-time favorite band goes and releases an album that you hate so much it feels like they did it on purpose just to get rid of you. And maybe they did. Were you super weird to them after a show or something? In any case, let’s get through this. Put on your headphones and get ready to cry off your waterproof eyeliner. It’s time to mope through the five stages of grief.

Stage One: Denial

Okay, they dropped the first single and it’s a hot mess. They’ve attempted some sort of sludge-ska-synth-pop nightmare. The lyrics are just “goat blood” over and over. There’s even an autotuned kazoo, however, that part was pretty sick. As the horror and nausea creep in, you frantically try to find some explanation. It’s an elaborate prank. Or the edible from your roommate was a lot stronger than you thought and you’re having auditory hallucinations. Keep grasping at straws until you pass out.

Stage Two: Anger

The entire album is a sonic tragedy. Your simmering rage boils over as track nine’s guttural spoken-word interlude over maracas hits the four-minute mark. Nothing left to do but grab a sledgehammer, a hefty bottle of lighter fluid, and every album you bought from those traitors over the past 15 years.

Stage Three: Bargaining

With bleeding eardrums, singed-off fingertips, and a broken heart, you’re in a weakened state and ready to strike a deal. Get on your knees and beg. You scream out to God, Satan, Dio, and every record company executive you can Google. If there’s new music recorded and released within six weeks, you just might survive. You construct a makeshift altar sprinkled with the ashes of your beloved debut album vinyl. Ask your witchy friend to do the thing with the crystals and the dried flowers. It can’t hurt, right?

Stage Four: Depression

Oof. The less said here, the better. Your desperate prayers went unheeded. You retreat into a dark bedroom and wail into the one comfy tour hoodie you spared from destruction.

Stage Five: Acceptance (Sort Of)

Bad news: Two months later, the album still sucks. But at least you’ve created some decent memes to vent and bonded with other fans who also hate the new sound. Plus you’ll save money skipping this album’s tour. You’ve emerged from the depths of sobbing grief and you’re going to be okay. But don’t get too comfortable. You’ll get to go through all this again, except worse, when the band breaks up next year. Good luck!

Kid Who Can’t Buy Fireworks Legally Settles on Buying Assault Rifle

NEW ORLEANS — Local teenager Sam Carter purchased a fully automatic assault rifle after failing to legally obtain fireworks, sources scared for their life confirmed.

“What a buzzkill,” said Carter. “Me and my boys just wanted to buy some sparklers, maybe a couple Roman Candles, for Fourth of July, and now all we have is this ten-pound, ammo-guzzling death machine. I guess having fun is illegal now. At the fireworks stand, the guy kept giving me all these warnings about ‘blowing off my fingers’ and ‘making too much noise.’ I was mad, but I understood why he wouldn’t let me slide. You don’t want such unsafe devices getting in the wrong hands. So, instead I walked to Walmart and bought an assault rifle, 30 magazines of ammunition, and a 12-pack of grenades at self-checkout. The security guard even saluted me.”

Walmart manager Travis Faulkner did everything by the book when selling Carter a firearm.

“Obviously, we ran a background check on the kid a few hours after he had bought the gun and left the store. After all, you have to abide by laws,” said Faulkner. “But this kid only had two accounts of theft, one measly assault and battery charge, and a year in juvenile detention for crashing a tractor into a Denny’s. That’s not enough to refuse the sale of military-style grade weaponry. Of course, I’m disappointed that he tried to buy fireworks in the first place — that’s just not something a kid should mess with. A whole nine innocent people died from fireworks last year. It’s a widespread issue.”

Local politician Barry Schultz had campaigned to ban fireworks in Louisiana his whole career.

“People always tell me ‘fireworks don’t injure people, people injure people,’” said Schultz. “What are those ‘people’ using, then? It’s not rocket science, y’all. If we take fireworks out of the hands of people that shouldn’t have them, we save lives. It works for hundreds of other countries. Now, if there was an amendment in the Constitution specifically mentioning fireworks, that’d be another story. But I skimmed that document once and the Founding Fathers said nothing about the right to bear Roman Candles.”

At press time, Carter was thankful not to have had any firework-related injuries despite accidentally shooting himself in the leg with his new rifle.