NEW ORLEANS — Local teenager Sam Carter purchased a fully automatic assault rifle after failing to legally obtain fireworks, sources scared for their life confirmed.…
BROUSSARD, La. — Gun store owners across the country reported the need to cut costs as summer break ushers in the start of a decline…
Hey, you little non-neon-colored pissbaby. You want to take my beloved Pipeline Punch, huh? You think my Monster Energy consumption is so concerning? Well, good…
GARLAND, Texas — Garland Guns and Ammo reported they are on track for their most profitable month ever thanks to a highly popular “Back to…
As a prominent member of the Republican party who receives a sizable check from the NRA biweekly just for doing their bidding without question, I’m…
CHATTANOOGA — Local three-year-old Joseph Rhoades is finally getting some goddamn respect in his household after finding his father’s semi-automatic handgun behind a bookshelf in…
BOSTON — Prospective police officer and unapologetic bigot, Danny Connor, promised friends and family that if he becomes a cop he will use his position…
Unless you live on Mars or with your boomer parents who only watch Newsmax, you’ve likely noticed that the United States has a bit of…
What’s happening in Texas right now is deplorable and horrifying. The far-right extremism that has wormed its way to the top of the state is…
WASHINGTON, D.C — The Supreme Court of the United States recently decided, after allowing a law banning all abortions after six weeks, that the State…
WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a rebranding of the “Middle East Peace Process” to “The War On War” in hopes of appeasing warmonger lawmakers on…
PORTLAND — Ardent leftist and Socialist Rifle Association member Jamie Stoltz was hospitalized after severely damaging her tongue by biting it for an entire day…
NEW YORK — A mercenary team of ex-special forces, KGB, and other trained combatants attempting to take an entire gala event hostage were single-handedly defeated…
BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left one employee dead and a…
Republicans fear a lot of things: Gender-neutral bathrooms, Dr. Seuss books they’ve never heard of getting discontinued, and us Democrats “coming for your guns.” Ooh,…