LOS ANGELES — Local police officer Mark Woodside warmed up for a long day of work beating college kids peacefully protesting genocide by knocking around…
NEW YORK — Former President Trump’s Defense Attorney Emil Bove used his time cross-examining former National Enquirer Publisher David Pecker about whether or not Elvis…
NEW YORK — Local cop Thomas Hannon admitted that he’s excited about his upcoming paid leave of absence once he is disciplined for brutalizing a…
NEW YORK — Former punk Ruby Davis, made famous in the Rancid song “Ruby Soho,” reportedly closed on a deal to sell her apartment in…
APALACHICOLA, Fla. — Dedicated Swifties across the internet believe the new Taylor Swift song “Florida!!!” is about her highly publicized breakup with the mythical swamp…
NEW YORK — Executives from The Big Five book publishers launched a coordinated effort to boost sales by pressuring the universe’s creator, and once prominent…
Have you ever been frustrated by the United States Postal Service because they lost a letter you mailed? Imagine if that letter miraculously showed up…
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — President Biden made an attempt to win over Gen Z voters by appearing on stage at a Frankie Valli and the…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden is reportedly fuming after Israel’s military killed seven aid workers and said he will no longer kiss every bomb and…
BOSTON — Members of local straight edge band Hard Pass reportedly broke edge in front of a small crowd within minutes of taking the stage…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Carmen Montozo admitted to knowing intimate details about each dog in her neighborhood while failing to learn the names of…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Right-wing media pundit Ben Shapiro continued his attacks against the people of Palestine by claiming children in Gaza are dying on purpose…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary musician Neil Young begrudgingly returned to Spotify after two years when he was short on loose change to feed a parking…
LONDON — Internet detectives trying to solve the mystery surrounding Kate Middleton are dissecting a series of paparazzi photos that show the princess out for…