FERNDALE, Mich. — Two former strangers seated together on a Megabus ride found common ground through despising the Eagles despite one referring to the band and the other the football team, astonished sources confirmed.
“I try not to judge anyone too harshly on first looks, but I’ll be honest, with his crewcut and brand new ‘Fuck the Phillies’ shirt, I thought I wasn’t gonna like this guy. But, it turns out he despises the Eagles just as much as I do!” said punk rock lifer Gunther Bergins. “Sure, he seems a bit confused when I talk about how overplayed they are on the radio, but he was on board. He was much more enthusiastic when I started talking about the Saints. Again, I didn’t figure him for a fan of Australian punk, but it just goes to show you! I gotta get this guy to make me a mix!”
Bergins’ seatmate Harlan Klein was just as dubious of his unlikely companion at first glance.
“I thought the freaks come out at night, not 9:45 in the morning, if you get what I’m saying. But, my mouth was shut as soon as he started popping off on those damn Birds. I’m a Saints man, understand?” said Klein, as he showed off his Drew Brees tattoo just out of sight of Bergins. “I just feel comfortable talking to the guy, what can I say? Plus, he likes basketball too, I guess, what with how enthusiastic he was about seeing the Sonics back in the ‘90s. Although, I’m not sure where he gets off saying ‘their sound started back in the ‘60s.’ Don’t all basketballs pretty much sound the same? Ah, whatever, maybe he’s had a few beers, and hopefully he’s sharin’, am I right?”
Overhearing their entire conversation, the driver of the Las Vegas bound bus was the only person who knew the true story.
“These two dummies have been talking about totally different subjects the entire ride, and I’m apparently the only one who realizes it. I’ve almost taken a wrong turn a half dozen times just because I’m so flabbergasted that they haven’t figured it out by now,” said bus operator Fannie Pritchard. “I wish I could place a bet on how this shakes out. Will their friendship make it to Vegas? Only time will tell. I’m hoping for the best, but in my experience, punks and sports fans don’t mix. But, then again, maybe they can bond over their love of violence after they’re exposed. Either way, I’m just hoping I don’t have to pull over and ditch them on the side of the highway.”
At press time, the budding friendship was still inadvertently going strong after the two got on the subject of Modern Baseball.
Rankings are a tough racket, one album had to be listed in the brown stinker spot in this piece, and The Vines’ fourth album “Melodia.” Maybe we’d dig this full-length studio release more, and we must mention on record that we still do enjoy every album from The Vines, if it went with its original title, “Braindead,” but that also possibly is as false as the night. An interesting thing to mention is that the record often sounds ADD in that only one song, “True as the Night” is longer than three minutes, and that twelve out of the album’s fourteen songs are under two minutes and thirty seconds, and four are even under two minutes.
After two perfect by any stretch of your lack of imagination back to back LPs, The Vines found themselves in a difficult position for album number three, and released “Vision Valley,” which, again, like all The Vines records, is good, but unlike its predecessors, just isn’t great. A parable that we ascribe to is that good is the enemy of great, and even if you don’t agree. Also, a band in 2024 could NEVER have a song called “Futuretarded,” or they would be canceled and there would be online discussions about who can and can’t use that word. Today vocalist and chief songwriter Craig Nicholls is the only consistent member of The Vines, and “Vision Valley” started the leaving member trend with bassist Patrick Matthews exiting shortly before this one.
The band’s newest and seventh full-length studio album, “In Miracle Land” is not only NOT The Vines’ lowest ranked LP here, but it is also not in the second lowest slot, proving that what is new isn’t necessarily that bad. Surprise surprise with a newly mended heart? Yessir and yesmadam! Basically, we just LOVE the sound, and hate is a strong word but we really, really, really don’t like you. Also, “In Miracle Land” is the first to be mentioned that is somewhere between good and great, proving that this band not only is capable of creating works with a lot of killer and little filler. Why the title track is the only single here plagues our brain, as the record should have had at least two others, but that’s just showbiz! In closing, this album cover would be delightful as framed wall art for your overpriced studio apartment.
Missing the medal position by just a smidge, “Future Primitive” is still a more than solid release front to back, and was expertly and pristinely recorded by The Bumblebeez’ Chris Calonna, whose band you may not have heard of, but is quite successful down unda. If you have, we apologize for said blunder and promise to do it again soon. Anyway, especially considering that this is the band’s fifth LP, “Future Primitive” showcased that the band’s past dictated their future, and said future is the antithesis of primitive, and quite, wait for it, wait for it, (highly) evolved. In a badass move, the band was unsigned prior to 2011, self funded this badass release, and ultimately signed with Sony Music Australia, who ultimately released “Future Primitive”. So read on for something wicked, winning, and evolved.
You may not be able to recall any song from this record off the top of your metallic ladybug noggin, and anything you say proves it, but, like many songs in the modern age, you likely may have listened to some tracks passively on various hard/alt-rock DSP curated playlists. Well, still many Australians in fact do recall many tunes from this 2014 effort, and the Thunder Down Under Aussie fans likely account for the majority of the publicly viewed successful streams from “Wicked Nature,” and not Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game.” It is worth mentioning that shockingly to domestic diehards and casual fans, out of the top ten listed popular tracks from The Vines, FIVE, yes five, are from “Wicked Nature”. The band certainly had faith in this record as well, certainly their best since 2004, as it was released under their own label, the appropriately named Wicked Nature Music.
One of the more underrated Capitol Records LPs, at least from this century, “Winning Days,” is a proper sequel in that it truly sounds more expensive and certainly huger than its incredible predecessor, whilst not reinventing the wheels in too many ways that it successfully rode towards success the first time. Sadly, another way that it is a sophomore record is that its sales waned in comparison to and respect to the band’s debut full-length album. Fun fact: This record’s catchy opening track and second single “Ride” was featured in an Apple commercial in the mid-aughts. Fun opinion: Maybe this tune should have been the first single, as the label opted for the album’s closer “F.T.W.” instead, which stands for what you think it does and couldn’t be a hit because of its moniker. In closing, this album and the next mention have no “skip it” tracks.
The word “the” was used in 2002 before a plural noun in a band name almost as many times as George W. Bush avoided doing anything presidential whilst he golfed eighteen holes or more with Dick Cheney. “Highly Evolved” is a perfect record and certainly one of the more underrated aughts rock efforts, that’s for sure! Despite going platinum in their native Australia and gold in the U S and A, we rarely hear this band or album name checked in the concrete jungle one-millionth as much as we should, and that doesn’t make us come in, come in, come in. Producer Rob Schnapf, whose last name likely gets mispronounced often, killed it here, much like he did for Saves the Day’s “In Reverie” and several Elliott Smith LPs.
