LANSING, Mich. — Local punk Diana Spalsbury purchased 100 boxes of semi-permanent hair dye yesterday, just for the pair of disposable gloves that come inside…
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as much as her male friends…
DETROIT — Local woman and anxiety-haver Amanda Hamilton was spotted yesterday weighing all possible options for her evening plans before ultimately deciding to do nothing…
FAIRHOPE, Ala. — A badly faded tattoo bearing a barbed wire design aided local investigators in identifying a recently deceased woman as “probably about 19-years-old…
FARGO, N.D. — Account manager Jamie Duncan is in disbelief that she will lose everything in her upcoming split from the mid-level job she has…
CARLSBAD, N.M. — Avid Tinder user Myles Soto enjoyed playing Devil’s advocate last night while his date begged him to empathize with her most painful…
ATLANTA — Local woman Anna Valentina shared Monday that the most redeeming aspect of being polyamorous is having the freedom to stay open to a…
SEATTLE — Former ladies’ man Ethan Morrison ushered in a new, glorious era today in which he will show respect for exactly one woman, revealing…
TAOS, N.M. — Local woman Anne Naus was forced to “Haha, yeah” her way through a three-day alternative music festival this weekend to combat the…
CHICAGO — Scene regular Claire Collins quit her gym membership today, shifting her entire workout regimen to squatting over disgusting toilets at local venues, curious…
MURRAY, Utah — Local punk and devoted scene supporter Dana Flynn shocked onlookers last night by going to a poorly-attended show alone, and not even…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local adventurer Melissa Carter will leave her base camp by the big water jug on the bar later this evening to go…
LOS ANGELES — Garage-rock frontman Julian Wood asked a casual female acquaintance yesterday for naked photos in an effort to save a flailing conversation, Wood…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local woman and online shopper Darla Castro is reconsidering her lack of children after a search for her favorite band’s shirt yielded only…
BRANSON, Mo. — Local woman Kimberly Feldman, currently chained to a pipe in the basement of a wanted kidnapper/murderer, acquired just enough WiFi reception this…