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Quarantined Man Forced to Stand In Front of Shorter Girlfriend Watching TV

LOS ANGELES — Local punk and tall guy Michael Snyder replaced standing in front of his short girlfriend Anna Nelson at shows with standing in front of her while she watches TV during quarantine.

“One of the things I miss the most is going to shows and really pushing my way to the best place to stand. It’s always in front of a smaller person, because you know they’ll never physically make you move. It rules,” said Snyder. “Since we’ve been stuck inside, I just stand in front of Anna while she watches ‘Too Hot to Handle.’ It’s not the same, for sure, but it’s better than nothing. We’re all making sacrifices right now.”

Nelson reported she’s learned a lot about her boyfriend since entering quarantine, much of it “not good.”

“He’s obsessed with standing in front of me. I’ll tell him to move, and he’ll just pretend he doesn’t hear me and then act like an imaginary buddy next to him said something funny, and then stick his elbows out a little so he takes up more space,” Nelson explained. “I never really go to shows with him, so I didn’t know this is what he’s into, but it’s really weird. I pay for my share of HBO Go just like he does — I should be able to see the shows, too.”

The 6’6” Snyder has even stood in front of Nelson during her Zoom college class.

“Not gonna lie, I was pretty baked when I logged on to my Econ class. But after attendance, Anna’s screen had, like… a guy in her way?” ” said Jamie Kirkpatrick, a USC junior and Nelson’s classmate. “All we could see was his crotch and stomach. I dunno if they’re into voyeurism or something, but, like, leave us out of it, you know?”

Snyder has since shoved himself between Nelson and the open fridge door while she looked for something to eat.