EUGENE, Ore. — Local actuary Kelly Freeman reported that her recent breakup from noise musician Floyd Harrell has “completely ruined” the genre for her, but…
NEW YORK — Attendees of a dinner party hosted by Jon and James Adler were ignorant that the couple had engaged in a raw, depraved…
SAN FRANCISCO — A large drum circle in Golden Gate Park was ruined by each and every percussionist’s inability to keep a beat, understand rhythm,…
MILWAUKEE — Shockwaves were sent through all of music fandom when the world realized Canadian folk punk band Violent Femmes are in fact not Canadian…
WASHINGTON — Local punk Dave Murphy has a weirdly small TV which is causing great confusion, concern and disappointment in his social circle, according to…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local aging punk Adrian Cox, once known for outlandish behavior like snacking on shattered light bulbs, refused an hors d’oeuvre at a…
DETROIT — Local short person Elizabeth Kramer spent $90 on floor tickets for an upcoming concert after forgetting that she’s only 5’2”, sources who have…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local venue Breezy Steve’s Beer Barn now requires attendees to show proof of showering before they enter the venue, according to sources…
CLEVELAND — A group of disgruntled, shoeless punks met each other’s empty gazes in a foyer as they attempted to find their own black leather…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Clay Horton briefly paused fellating a complete stranger at a glory hole in an area gay bar to inquire if…
NEWARK, N.J. — Former Carport frontman Mikey Cooper, 42, is reportedly using his decades of experience exploring overdramatic themes to excel in his new role…
For years, Mountain Dew has reigned as the favored effervescent beverage for gamers, skaters and bros alike. But thanks to a recent editorial mandate about…
LOS ANGELES — Director of the upcoming action thriller “Day Of The Eagle” Thad Phillips was able to use the classic The Runaways hit “Cherry…
I’m at my wit’s end with this whole karaoke deal. I am stuck in a sea of nice enough but unsophisticated 20-somethings who only want…
DAYTON, Ohio — Members of local punk band False Dmitri were shocked to learn that their longtime merch guy had a first, middle, and last…