WASHINGTON — Local punk Dave Murphy has a weirdly small TV which is causing great confusion, concern and disappointment in his social circle, according to…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…
WASHINGTON — President Biden signed a sweeping new bill into law earlier today which will finally address the issue of student loan debt relief by…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Self-proclaimed author of the next great American novel Frank Trotsky recently came to the terrible realization that his “rock bottom” was going…
SAN ANTONIO — Multi-instrumentalist Eli “Smudge” Goodwin threw the entire local folk-punk scene into disarray when he tried to make ends meet by pawning his…
“Nice place?” What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I live in a one-bedroom basement apartment with minimal natural light, you condescending asshole. Who…
COMMACK, N.Y. — Local man who can’t seem to catch a break Josh Crabtree had a brief moment of celebration after paying off his student…
SEATTLE — Local cat owner Robbie Kratchiz admitted yesterday that his cat tree was the most expensive piece of furniture in his entire apartment, sources…
SEATTLE — Real estate giant Zillow announced a new “punk” setting today for users that will allow potential home buyers to split the mortgage between…
EVANSTON, Ill. — Local man Ryan Michaelson began a new ritual last October, placing $7 in his fridge each time he gets up for a…
LOS ANGELES — Out-of-work actor and outspoken conservative Kevin Sorbo sent his professional headshot to political commentator and apparent filmmaker Ben Shapiro in the off-chance…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local musician Wes Feltus is allegedly receiving ill-placed sympathy from friends who assume his income came from playing music until the COVID-19…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dominique Martin was pleased to discover today that her total credit score was nine, believing this to be a good score…
LOS ANGELES — CBS executives announced today the return of “2 Broke Girls” as an OnlyFans exclusive, following the success of previous reboots like “Young…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Ollie Harris forced down another five beers and a bunch of chips moments ago in an attempt to finally eat something…