AMITYVILLE, N.Y. — Local music fan Kyle Hartley was ridiculed at an outdoor Words Are Wind show yesterday for wearing the band’s COVID-19 mask he…
LOS ANGELES — Former Misfits vocalist Michale Graves has successfully unseated Glenn Danzig as the band’s most ridiculous vocalist following a recent announcement that he…
LOS ANGELES — Indie musician RGRT could not solve a single “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle during last week’s taping because he did not buy a…
GILROY, Calif. — 13-year-old Matthew Staller’s social standing has not improved at all since his middle school closed down last month, the seventh-grader quietly reported…
CHICAGO — Local punk Allen Prestigiacomo is now unemployed from home, thanks to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker’s decree forcing bars and dine-in restaurants to close…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — An aging drum kit living with local parents Barbara and Sam Willett has no imminent plans to leave, despite staying in their…
DETROIT — Local man Marty Chambers reported today that he no longer wants to assume any responsibilities tied to his identity, following the recent news…
MT. VERNON, Wash. — Students and faculty at George Washington High School were enraged last week after cancer-stricken student Zachary Mitts defeated “totally rad” quarterback…
SEATTLE – Fans of local metal band Christ Decay were unmoved Friday night by new guitarist John Hang’s uninspired, meandering solo during crowd favorite “Pissing…
MONTEREY, CA – Despite not enrolling in a higher education program in over eight years, 30-year-old college graduate Eric Lewis still regularly uses his college…
WASHINGTON – After Hillary Clinton’s narrow victory in the Iowa caucuses last night, Congress has announced they are prepared to reduce the salary of the nation’s…
WORCESTER, Mass. — The pressure of weekly band practice is becoming too much for 16-year-old unemployed bassist, Pete Landry, to endure who constantly cites stress-related headaches, trouble…
CHICAGO – Local man Skip Klinger, described by acquaintances as a undateable, pathetic loser, is reportedly in need of only one ticket to Riot…
INTERNET, The — In a valiant display of his true progressiveness, local punk Chris Francis has officially freed himself of all his Facebook friends due…
Man Who Thought of It First Could Also Reportedly Do It Better
BROOKLYN, NY — Standing in the back of the room with his arms crossed, local man Adam Franklin announced to everyone within earshot that not…