ALLSTON, Mass. — Local goth and recent convert to Wicca Willow Bates is insisting to anyone who will listen that there is a “war on…
LOS ANGELES — Alt-right conservative commentator Ben Shapiro pulled his pants all the way down around his ankles yesterday to use the urinal in a…
What up ‘90s kids! Remember waking up early on Saturday morning to watch cartoons while plowing through an entire box of Cookie Crisp? Do you?…
ATLANTA — Local 30-year-old Dimitri Reynolds learned yesterday that he’s no longer in Adult Swim’s target demographic after a visit to their “baffling” website sent…
LOS ANGELES –– Local man Eric Dunklin secretly hopes his Tinder date Melissa Chavez doesn’t notice he lied about being Glenn Danzig on his dating…
AMITYVILLE, N.Y. — Local music fan Kyle Hartley was ridiculed at an outdoor Words Are Wind show yesterday for wearing the band’s COVID-19 mask he…
LOS ANGELES — Former Misfits vocalist Michale Graves has successfully unseated Glenn Danzig as the band’s most ridiculous vocalist following a recent announcement that he…
LOS ANGELES — Indie musician RGRT could not solve a single “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle during last week’s taping because he did not buy a…
GILROY, Calif. — 13-year-old Matthew Staller’s social standing has not improved at all since his middle school closed down last month, the seventh-grader quietly reported…
CHICAGO — Local punk Allen Prestigiacomo is now unemployed from home, thanks to Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker’s decree forcing bars and dine-in restaurants to close…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — An aging drum kit living with local parents Barbara and Sam Willett has no imminent plans to leave, despite staying in their…
DETROIT — Local man Marty Chambers reported today that he no longer wants to assume any responsibilities tied to his identity, following the recent news…
MT. VERNON, Wash. — Students and faculty at George Washington High School were enraged last week after cancer-stricken student Zachary Mitts defeated “totally rad” quarterback…
SEATTLE – Fans of local metal band Christ Decay were unmoved Friday night by new guitarist John Hang’s uninspired, meandering solo during crowd favorite “Pissing…
MONTEREY, CA – Despite not enrolling in a higher education program in over eight years, 30-year-old college graduate Eric Lewis still regularly uses his college…