RYE, UNITED KINGDOM — Legendary musician and founding member of the Beatles Paul McCartney admitted today that he wished someone would occasionally ask him about…
Sometimes a political statement comes along that really forces one to rethink their whole world view. While it’s been centuries since Martin Luther nailed his…
NEW YORK — Progressive post-hardcore band Ganymede’s Gates reportedly realized moments ago that the entirety of their fanbase are “uncool nerds” whom they would never…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local metalhead Kevin Miller turned the volume down on his amp from 11 to 10 earlier this morning in a clear indicator…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local basement party host and neurotic mess Eloise Krantz destroyed everything in her path Saturday night while trying to fix her broken…
GENEVA — Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research discovered yesterday that Iron Maiden’s 8:46-long “Brighter Than a Thousand Suns” contains a surprisingly decent…
BOSTON — Recently deceased grandmother Anita Reilly’s bereaved found yesterday a trove of family recipes, including one for a beloved, secret family soup that was…
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — Everyone attending last night’s Twenty One Pilots drive-in concert at Metlife Stadium kept their seatbelt on throughout the entire show, confirmed…
RACINE, Wis. — Local accountant and not-much-else Gary Wilkerson is alive despite astronomical odds to the contrary, according to sources who’ve already forgotten his name.…
EAST NORTHPORT, N.Y. — Local teen Roderick Evans attempted last night to do the trick where you stab a knife between your outstretched fingers, disappointing…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local polyamorous woman Maris Seitman is now well aware of the misstep she made when choosing to quarantine with her least favorite…
NEW YORK — Breakout singer/songwriter Peter Musto quietly unfollowed all his “go-nowhere loser friends” on social media last week, leaving behind a number of those…
CHICAGO — 28-year-old aging punk Johnny “Ratfuck” Pitzki has entered the “I don’t even really listen to punk anymore” phase of his life, complete with…
NEW YORK — Comedy Central announced the cancelation of “Straight Edge History” last night immediately after it’s inaugural episode aired, citing record-low ratings for a…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Newly related step-siblings Kara Sullivan and Aiden Zendowski have very little to no sexual chemistry, confused and frustrated sources living in the…