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Everyone at Twenty One Pilots Drive-In Show Wearing Seatbelt

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — Everyone attending last night’s Twenty One Pilots drive-in concert at Metlife Stadium kept their seatbelt on throughout the entire show, confirmed venue management at the first stop on the band’s worldwide “Frick the Rules!” tour.

“Dude, I was so psyched for Twenty One Pilots — I showed up all buckled up and ready to rock. I wasn’t sure how loud they’d be, so I bought a few different types of construction grade ear muffs for protection as well,” said Chazz Edmundson, a diehard fan of the band. “They played all their biggest hits, and the show was so sick, I didn’t even mind that the band ordered venue security to come over and give me a ticket for an expired inspection sticker. Safety first!”

While drivers were asked on arrival to turn off their vehicles and remain there until the show’s conclusion, that didn’t stop Twenty One Pilots’ rabid fanbase from strapping in for the duration of their two-hour set.

“The Skeleton Clique totally brought it tonight!” frontman Tyler Joseph shouted as he walked off the stage, referring to the band’s fanbase. “You haven’t lived until you’ve seen 10,000 maniacs drumming on their steering wheels with their seatbelts on and their hands in the proper 10 and 2 position. But, you know, we can always count on our fans to deliver — hell, the show was so crazy, we actually had to stop playing for a while because a rowdy gang of guys wouldn’t stop revving their PT Cruisers.”

However, not everyone enjoyed the unique performance.

“That was the lamest concert I’ve ever been into in my life,” sighed Dave Benson, a 44-year-old who brought his 12-year-old son Eddie to the show. “And that’s coming from a guy who saw Candlebox open for Bush in 2001. Seeing all those pathetic nerds bopping around in their minivans was unbearable. Thank god Eddie is so embarrassed by me that he ‘made’ me sit in the backseat the whole time — I just took a nap and hoped that by the time I woke up, my son would finally be in his violent, self-destructive teenage phase.”

After the show, stagehands loaded Twenty One Pilots into the child-sized car seats of their tour bus while the band demanded more juice in their sippy cups, as per their rider.