ORLANDO, Fla. — Audience members were disgusted to see local music fan Dylan Avalos singing along for the entirety of The Long Shower’s set, despite…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Local nu metal guitarist and longtime imbecile Mike “Grundbutter” Hobbes of Synapse Flux somehow managed to lose his pick inside his electric…
So, you thought you could outwit me, did you? You thought you could waltz in here and effortlessly diffuse my attacks on your ideology? That…
BOSTON — Friends and relatives of local resident, Brian Gibbs, have reported that the 28-year-old has insisted for years that his frequent tremors are due…
BOCA RATON, Fla. — Local man Patrick Miller prepared an unwilling audience for a lengthy racist anecdote, assuring everyone that he and his friends’ ignorant…
INDIANAPOLIS — Your arch-nemesis allowed you to enjoy the majority of a record by a band you did not realize is Christian and plans to…
KEENE, N.H. — Local dad Richard Miller is reportedly about to start another boring story in which he’ll be sure to note the race of…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Researchers at the Iowa Center for Gene Therapy announced that they may have developed a way for parents to prevent their…
DENVER — Local Real Estate Agent and mother of four, Sharon Smithson, struggled to find the proper emotions at the unveiling of her youngest son’s…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Local twenty-something Jeremy Harris was overheard repeating the common trope that he was ‘born in the wrong decade’ without realizing he would…
OAKLAND, Calif. — The cautionary tale of long-time road dog and punk scene veteran “Wild” Bill Ketchum is reportedly being taken as encouragement by struggling…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local man Jeff Beeswick reportedly can’t decide whether to pronounce foreign words like some sort of pompous asshole or an uncultured idiot…
AUSTIN, Texas — A metronome at Austin’s Northside Music Academy doesn’t know what more it can do to show the idiot using it, Kyle Tulridge,…
DETROIT – Local skeptic and conspiracy theorist Todd Griffin went on a multi-platform social media tirade and declared he has had enough with biased media…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local straight edge 22-year-old Niki Mishtia once again proved that he is perfectly capable of acting like a moron without using alcohol…