TOLEDO, Ohio — Local nu metal guitarist and longtime imbecile Mike “Grundbutter” Hobbes of Synapse Flux somehow managed to lose his pick inside his electric guitar, puzzled witnesses reported.
“Yeah, I dunno- it was mad weird,” Hobbes rhapsodized through a massive vape cloud after the show. “When I hit the big open chord going into the third breakdown my pick came loose and actually got lost inside my Schecter 7-string. I only brought one pick on tour so I started shaking the guitar upside down over my head hoping it would come out in time for the fourth breakdown. I swear I could hear it rattling around in there but it just wouldn’t come out. Luckily our stage tech hit the fog machine full blast so no one would see me open up the body of the guitar while the other seven guys in the band covered the breakdown.”
Tour manager Fred Hospur saw the whole thing from the side of the stage but could only speculate on what exactly happened.
“At first I thought he was trying to create more feedback by shaking his guitar but I quickly realized that wasn’t possible. Then he looked at me the way a dog looks at you when their ball rolls under the couch. The only other person I’ve ever seen do that is Bob Weir in ’78 which says a lot but still explains nothing,” said Hospur. “One morning he was laughing because he found a sock inside a pair of pants, but then a minute later, found a pair of pants inside a sock. I’m pretty sure it’s all the DMT he’s been boofing. Grundy’s brain is like his pedal board; it’s hard to tell if it’s working right or not.”
Rex Cottswell, longtime Guitar Center employee and self-described “concealed carry nerd” offered some insight into the strange occurrence.
“It’s a glitch in the matrix! And honestly, it’s been happening more and more,” said Cottswell. “Reality as we know it is in flux, and Grundbutter is- you guessed it- the synapse over which the signal will be transmitted. We’re seeing a lot more everyday objects getting lost in guitars, including keys and wallets. We’ve even seen a guy lose some fingers putting his hand in an acoustic guitar hole. Be safe out there.”
At time of press, Hobbes had given up on trying to retrieve the pick and instead resorted to playing by pounding his guitar with a balled up fist.