Ted Pillow
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March 18, 2020
HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — A punk show scheduled to happen in local teen Mike Lennox’s basement was canceled yesterday afternoon after…
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Doug Francisco
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March 17, 2020
ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention issued a reminder today that no one would've attended a Thursday…
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Doug Francisco
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March 17, 2020
FITCHBURG, Mass. — 32-year-old hardcore kid Justin Phillips is driving the “snakes” out of his local scene just as the…
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Michael Luis
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March 16, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Rapper Chet Hanks, son of Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, tested positive for "full-body dopeness" this morning…
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Collin Canning
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March 16, 2020
NEW YORK — Newly single and perfectly healthy man Dave Prost edited his Tinder bio yesterday, replacing his height with…
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Dan Kozuh
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March 16, 2020
CHICAGO — Local executive Reginald Dixon sent a company-wide email from the security of his HEPA-filtered panic room moments ago…
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Dan Kozuh
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March 16, 2020
ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement earlier today warning citizens to abstain from creating…
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Peter Woods
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March 15, 2020
WASHINGTON — Democratic Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders accidentally told former Vice President Joe Biden “nice set” after tonight’s democratic debate,…
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Patrick Coyne
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March 15, 2020
TACOMA, Wash. — Bassist Todd Francona, recently accused of sexual misconduct by several women, was just happy that his name…
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John Danek
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March 15, 2020
ATLANTA — Local emotional support dog and shivering, terrified Spitz-mix Bartholomew was forced yesterday to fly on a 5-hour commercial…
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