KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Butthole Canyon frontman Richie Butthole increasingly regrets his chosen stage name, now that he is approaching his mid-30s, sources close to the…
LANSING, Mich. — Local OSHA inspector Gary Branville found an upsettingly high number of blatant safety violations in the latest edition of the popular “Construction…
FRESNO, Calif. — Local metalhead Terry Parker found yesterday that he is almost out of body parts into which to carve the word “Slayer” as…
WASHINGTON — Members of Congress kindly took time last week to hold a Town Hall-style meeting and explain the complexity of the gun control debate…
ROCKVILLE CENTRE, N.Y. -— Touring Minneapolis band FLATPOINT spent much of their set last night informing their Long Island audience that the 30°F weather was,…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…
Listen here, poser. You think you know this band? Really? What, you started listening to them six weeks ago? And now you’re happy to be…
CHICAGO — Impish, iconoclastic musician Björk utterly vanished in plain sight last night after allegedly being tricked into uttering “kröjb” aloud during her concert, several…
MARRAKESH, Morocco — An archaeological discovery made outside of Marrakesh yesterday places the extinction of punk rock at roughly 8,000 B.C.E., stunned researchers confirmed. The…
NORTON, Ohio — Pop-punk trio Stutter Step were stranded alongside I-76 early this morning after their tour bus quit the band to go back to…
EPHRATA, Penn. — 79-year-old grandmother Patti Leinbach was, for the first time ever, completely indifferent about her grandson Pete’s music career, sources at a weekend…
BOSTON — Pop-punk singer Gavin Blue is preparing for an upcoming cold snap by wearing three tank tops at once to try to stay warm,…
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Upon reaching the final round of famed television game show “The Price is Right,” punk David Klein admitted his hope that the…
IRVINE, Calif. — Turtle Rock Elementary 5th-grader and admitted music snob Brandon Mosley insisted on Friday that he prefers “Weird Al” Yankovic’s non-parody works, according…
RIDGEWOOD, N.J. — Post-hardcore outfit Senses Fail announced plans today to add several seminars during their upcoming record release tour to highlight the importance of…