WESTFIELD, Ind. — Local man Tom Simmons remains totally perplexed as to why everyone who watched “Squid Game” found the idea of getting shot at…
Mr. James Bartnik isn’t your average enforcer of the law in Toledo, Ohio. He does his job without a gun or taser or any means…
UNITED STATES — 2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who are counting down the days from…
First of all, stop being such a pussy, dude. It’s just a handgun. And a glock at that! No one ever is killed by just…
The conversation surrounding what should be done about gun violence in America has become more exhausting than ever; with each shooting, a nationwide argument ensues…
DES MOINES, Iowa — An AR-15 semi-automatic rifle started an OnlyFans page for itself last week, the overwhelming popularity of which led to a rash…
AUSTIN, Texas — Gov. Greg Abbott signed a new, statewide law today that would mandate each Texan to do their part to stop the spread…
As a police union representative, let me say this in plain English for all you darn snowflakes trying to defund the police: We Need Cops!…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local cop and racist bully Dennis Peters, who once brought a gun to Roosevelt High School in 10th grade, is now employed…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Ofc. Travis McHone opened fire on several guests gathered at his home last night for a surprise party in his honor, leaving…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local graphic design student Rachel Valdez expressed frustration this week after realizing her Intro to Photoshop class would not cover how to…
GREENSBORO, N.C. — Homeowner Kris Mullens, 47, reportedly keeps a 3D printer design for a gun under his pillow in case anyone ever breaks into…
MACON, Ga. — Local Civil War reenactor, blogger, and aspiring mass shooter Randolph Cunningham was forced to go door to door yesterday to find victims…
In the event that there are any marine biologists, firearm experts, or, I dunno, active coast guard members reading this, we need help NOW. Earlier…
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Daryl Jenkins, also known by his radio persona “Ass-Boy Jenkins,” was honored with a 12 Panty-Gun salute over the weekend when…