FORT WORTH, Texas — Recent newlyweds and longtime couple Darren Oltowski and Denice Landry have recently begun dabbling in perfunctory, boring, and banal acts of…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local woman Carmen Sullivan was found dead this morning after the wire of her earbuds became caught around a door handle, causing…
INDIANAPOLIS — 18-year-old Christian Mingle opened a lawsuit against his parents early yesterday afternoon in regard to his given name, according to sources attempting to…
LOS ANGELES — A new film titled “Great Again” featuring famed director Clint Eastwood reciting and acting out boomer memes he came across on Facebook…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Extremely circumspect spray paint addict, Calvin Roberts, is said to be back to wiping down his cans before inhaling them recreationally out…
PITTSBURGH — The men’s room toilet at Skelly’s Tavern is seeking treatment after going through a dark period and hopes this is the year it…
WASHINGTON — Two 20-step staircases at local venue The Disco Motel are among the most hated structures in the city, according to multiple breathless, annoyed…
WASHINGTON — The United States Treasury announced they will introduce another round of ⅛” to ¼” adaptors into public circulation for the first time in…
DAYTON, Ohio – Local man Jesse Clingman found himself unimpressed and longing for a friend to direct his complaints after viewing the entirety of Peter…
NEW YORK — Local unemployed man George Costanza attempted to impress colleagues by pretending to be a member of metalcore band Architects while out to…
CINCINNATI — Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute band, Los Jalapenos, vow to press on with their tri-state tour despite low attendance, scathing reviews, and looming…
WINNETKA, Ill. — New Trier High School bully from the class of 1997, Al Edwin, is amazed at what losers and lame motherfuckers can get…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — A new Descendents box set is exciting fans with never-before-heard songs and lost recordings including a version of “I Like Food”…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Attendees at a recent Foo Fighters concert were treated to a special surprise when the band brought fans on stage to play…
OVERLAND PARK, Kan. — Local pasta enthusiast, Harold Roy, told the server at the Metcalf South Mall Olive Garden location to just leave the grater…