HARRISBURG, Pa. — 35-year-old community college student and single mother Rebecca Steiner has bummed everybody out by raising her hand to contribute some sort of…
ORLANDO — Krista Lane, a librarian, mother of three, and self-described “Star Warrior of the Resistance,” reportedly wasted her weekend at the Star Wars: Galactic…
SAN FERNANDO, Calif. — A new report from the Federal Reserve Bank of Los Angeles showed that unprecedented inflation is forcing adult entertainers to have…
LOS ANGELES — Film director and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst put an end to years of debate by issuing a statement clarifying that the…
SPOKANE, Wash. — Local kinksters Justin Lentz and Carly Melhado added a new wrinkle to their sexual routine early yesterday evening by pretending to actually…
NEW YORK — Local man and person exploring his kinks for the first time in his life, Jaden Brantz, reported that he was incredibly disappointed…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Scientists for Tesla’s robotics team have reported that recent requests from senior management indicate that they are more than likely being…
MINNEAPOLIS — Bar staff everywhere are rejoicing as Semisonic penned a long-awaited follow-up to their 1998 single “Closing Time” entitled “Seriously, Get the Fuck Out,…
NEW YORK — A major new climate report issued by the United Nations today confirms that shit is majorly fucked. “The data is clear as…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Slightly tipsy local mom Candace Webber keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that she fucked The Offspring singer Dexter Holland in the ‘90s,…
NEW YORK — Local drivers and pedestrians too busy looking at their phones to watch where the fuck they’re going consciously updated the reserved bike…
ORLANDO — Disney World announced Friday that they’ve been working closely with the creators and producers of “Westworld” to make the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local woman and your mom audibly wondered what ever happened to that nice boy you used to fuck, the question coming seemingly…
ATLANTA — Local drummer Drew Mooney plans to sit around and just go fuck himself for the next few weeks as other members of his…
FUCK FUCK FUCK: Internet Tough Guy Also Actual Tough Guy
DETROIT — Reddit user Gary Johannson accidentally messed yesterday with the one tough guy on the Internet who wasn’t lying, unintentionally putting Johannson in the…