LOS ANGELES — Film director and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst put an end to years of debate by issuing a statement clarifying that the enigmatic, Grammy-nominated hit song “Nookie” is about sexual intercourse.
“I’ve been tight-lipped about the deeper meanings behind a lot of Bizkit songs for nearly two decades because I wanted fans to come to their own conclusions,” said Durst while dusting his collection of Osiris D3s. “I think it’s time to let my fans know what ‘Nookie’ is actually about. I’ve seen message boards claim the song is about home renovation, a regional fast food chain in Florida, and even the disastrous Tonkin Gulf Resolution of 1964. But I wrote that song about the act of sexual intercourse between two people and one of them may or may not be wearing a backwards red NBA baseball cap, not because he’s balding or anything, but just because it looks dope as hell.”
Durst’s bandmates seemed relieved to hear their frontman finally revealing the true meaning behind one of their biggest hits.
“Man, I can’t tell you how long we’ve had to keep this a secret,” said guitarist Wes Borland. “I mean, we didn’t have to sign NDAs or anything but for the artistry of the band, for the mystery of our musical catalogue it just felt right to keep a lid on what our songs are about unless Fred wants to put that information out there. We take a similar approach to Radiohead regarding the inspirations behind our art. I think Fred was inspired to write ‘Nookie’ after reading about sex in a dictionary and then investing in a few pornographic magazines that showed everything, and I mean everything.”
Limp Bizkit lyric theorist Mara Chiscon sees this revelation as the beginning for a new era for fans of the band.
“I think fans will see this as a moment when Limp Bizkit connected their revolutionary endeavors to the longer legacy of traditional rock music,” said Chiscon. “This clarification will be a disappointment to fans who assumed ‘Nookie’ was about our nation’s unending wars in the Middle East. The prevailing theory was that the titular ‘nookie’ represented the drive of nationalism, the unquenched thirst of Manifest Destiny. It turns out it’s just a song about banging and we overthought a lot of things.”
At press time, Durst was in discussions with Penguin Random House to publish a three-volume dissertation detailing his epic poem “Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle).”