For most people in their twenties, drinking two nights in a row is hardly notable. It’s basically an every-other-day occurrence. While you may get hungover,…
HIALEAH, Fla. — A new report from local drunk Emily Kinder indicates that the standards of alcoholism held by her primary care physician are “weak…
DALLAS — Patrons of the NorthPark Center believed they witnessed a Christmas miracle when a mall Santa with a very prominent Pantera tattoo refrained from…
FREDERICTON, New Brunswick — Local DIY venue Zamboni’s recently installed a state-of-the-art false amp head that allows drunk patrons to incessantly tweak the sound knobs…
I’d like to start off this hearing by stating for the record that this is an absolute witch hunt. The faculty members and parents who’ve…
I know that this is an emergency situation and we here at Sacred Heart Hospital are bound by the Hippocratic Oath to do everything we…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the National Institute of Health finds that rates of insomnia claimed by many late-thirties and forty-year-olds are totally valid…
I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs. Never have, never will. People seem to have a hard time with that concept. They either get…
DALLAS – Local man Shane Whitlock recently blew the two-drink minimum at a small, laid-back music venue clear out of the fucking water, according to…
CHICAGO — Local party animal Abraham Cane regretted getting so drunk that he ended up getting a tattoo removed last night, confirmed sources in between…
First of all, hello, I’m Colleen, and I’m 24 months sober. Pretty cool, right? If you’re reading this and anything like me, you’ve probably fallen…
People call whiskey a crutch, but through the good times, the bad times, and the boring times, it’s more of a companion. So when this…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Local dive bar Bog Hill, an establishment notorious for over-serving customers, fights, and unsanitary conditions, shocked regulars and locals alike by rebranding…
Every sober person will tell you that quitting drinking was the greatest decision they’ve ever made. I didn’t believe them at first until out of…
DETROIT — Frustrated wife Hannah Gerhardt figured out how to install a breathalyzer on her husband’s acoustic guitar which would keep the hardshell case locked…