DETROIT — Frustrated wife Hannah Gerhardt figured out how to install a breathalyzer on her husband’s acoustic guitar which would keep the hardshell case locked…
MORGANTOWN, W.V. — Self-proclaimed party animal Derek Plomchock astounded friends and roommates by somehow surpassing three sturdily locked doors and projectile vomiting into a laundry…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Pretentious bourbon sniffer Patrick Welles is ruining the otherwise fun vibes of an impromptu house party hang with his talk of tasting…
It started out like any other Tuesday. I was day-drinking with my usual tallboys of Bud Light Chelada with Clamato, when I realized that I…
GALAPAGOS ISLANDS — The Galapagos punk scene was in shock this morning after learning of the tragic death of up and coming tortoise, Sheldon, becoming…
BOSTON — Friends and relatives of local punk, Brian Gibbs, were astonished to learn that the known raging drunk considers himself to be “a functioning…
LOS ANGELES — Producers and directors tasked with creating a new batch of reboots were left scrambling to find new ways to express tone in…
I’ve always been the outdoorsy type. There’s nothing I love more than wrapping myself in a dirty flannel and striking out into the wild, untamed…
It’s always embarrassing when people come to your home and it’s one of the 358 days out of the year that your place is a…
MUNCIE, Ind. — A local man’s brush with death after drunkenly falling from a third-story balcony on Tuesday inspired him to quit drinking for the…
It’s been over a year and you’ve been crushing your sobriety. Over twelve straight months without a drop of alcohol has led to improvements in…
That really sucks about Shithouse Seth, man. If I knew he was having a mental breakdown or whatever, I definitely would’ve Tweeted to end the…
There’s no better way to spend an afternoon than touring a microbrewery and sampling it’s offerings, save for one critical oversight: The dude giving the…