John Adkins
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You did it again. The allure of drinking until you blackout was just too tempting, so here you are on…
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Dom Turek
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PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Jeremy Squires is celebrating an astonishing 15 years of contemplating sobriety surrounded by friends, family,…
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Chris Bowen
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TORONTO — Family and friends of local man Neil Dupont are growing increasingly concerned for his health after showing signs…
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Claire Alexander
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HOBOKEN, N.J. – WWE fan and local embarrassment, Connor Duncan, reportedly made preparations to save his liver during WrestleMania this…
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Doug Kolic
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OTTAWA — Local office employee Keith Nolan reported that he finally achieved the ultimate work-life balance by deciding to drink…
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Dan Rice
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Since the ‘70s Jim Henson’s muppets have delighted fans of all ages and become one of the most enduring and…
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Joe Rumrill
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WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — A previously too-cool-for-school music snob is reportedly just inebriated enough to loudly appreciate AC/DC’s “You Shook…
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Matt Husser
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CHICAGO — Punk dad Paul Bourne was briefly overcome by a wave of nostalgia for his reckless life before kids…
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Jordan Liffengren
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SEATTLE, Wash. — Newly sober punk Dustin Patterson swore off alcohol after he experienced his first-ever bowel movement with a…
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James Knapp
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HARTFORD, Conn. — Elder millennial Thomas Sharpe is reportedly in “critical and deteriorating condition” after erroneously believing that his haggard…
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