Since the ‘70s Jim Henson’s muppets have delighted fans of all ages and become one of the most enduring and beloved institutions in the entertainment industry. Imagine the pressure involved in maintaining the quality of such a storied and important brand. Is it any surprise that they often make tabloid rags’ front pages with their public meltdowns and drunken antics?
It’s a fairly open secret that these puppet Pagliaccis are no strangers to the comforts of a bottle, but which one of America’s favorite anthropomorphic entertainers is the biggest booze hound? Here is every muppet ranked by how often their benders have caught the attention of the media and the law.
29. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
He’s a teetotaler when it comes to alcohol. Homemade pharmaceuticals, that’s another story.
28. Camilla the Chicken
Unlike other muppets Camilla is just a chicken, and not anthropomorphic or sentient. No matter how many times her toxic sexual relationship with Gonzo causes her to drunkenly create a scene, the police can’t arrest her.
27. Beauregard
He’s never been arrested, but he’s been fired for passing out drunk in the janitor’s closet several times.
26. Rowlf the Dog
Rowlf is a good boy, but he had an embarrassing Tom Waits phase in the early ’00s and leaned into the whiskey. He was arrested a few times for disorderly conduct, but people close to him claim he was just trying to write a song about spending the night in a drunk tank.
25. Gene
He’s friendly enough sober, but once he’s had a few and he puts his mean eyebrows on, look out!
24. Sweetums
Sweetums has the alcohol tolerance of Andre the Giant. Unfortunately, he drinks as much as Andre the Giant. He doesn’t get violent or reckless, just sort of sloppy and sad. He’s been arrested drunk only once for refusing to leave a Cheesecake Factory at closing.
23. Gonzo
He enjoys his brandy but has never been arrested for alcohol-related misconduct. The FBI is building a case against Gonzo for much more sinister crimes, and the local cops know not to get in the way.
22. Fozzie Bear
Fozzie has been sober since April 10th, 1992. He opened up about his rock bottom on a recent episode of WTF. “I was putting two nips in my coffee every morning just to stop the shakes. When you were partying with the Texas Mafia boys, that was considered normal. I can’t change what I did. I shouldn’t have been driving that night. Sam Kinison, wherever you are, I’m sorry, and I miss you. Waka waka.”
21. Janice
Janice’s alcohol-related rap sheet is relatively tame for a member of The Electric Mayhem. Three arrests for disorderly conduct, two for driving under the influence, and one for breaking into a random family’s home and falling asleep in the kitchen.
20. Lew Zealand
You don’t wind up as a fish boomerang expert living the clean life.
19. Uncle Deadly
People think he got his name from his ghastly appearance, but really it’s all the drunk driving arrests. But he comes from a rich family so he’s never done any real time.
18. Rizzo the Rat
Rizzo likes to party as much as the next muppet, but the second someone says cop he’s gone. Even when he’s three sheets to the wind he’s fast, agile, and determined not to go back to prison.
17. Clifford
Clifford started hitting the bottle hard when the pressure of hosting Muppets Tonight started to get to him. He wound up creating a work environment so volatile he made Jimmy Fallon look like Mr. Rogers.
16. Bobo the Bear
You would think rebranding as a healthy lifestyle influencer in the early ’00s would slow Bobo’s roll but guess again. Bobo is a classic problem drinker, so when he goes, he goes hard. His antics have earned him a lifelong ban from the Webby Awards, and Beauregard has had to drive him everywhere since he lost his license in 2017.
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