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Guy Just Drunk Enough That “You Shook Me All Night Long” Best Song He’s Ever Heard

WEST HARTFORD, Conn. — A previously too-cool-for-school music snob is reportedly just inebriated enough to loudly appreciate AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” playing on the jukebox, sources confirmed while trying not to get him started on the subject yet again.

“I know I’ve probably heard this song a few billion times, but god DAMN is that riff hitting my sweet spot right about now. And sure, it might be the six hazy IPAs I’ve had in the past two hours, but it’s more likely that ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ is actually just an unfettered symphony of sonic brilliance,” said 24-year-old Johnny “The Zipper” Gairdner, while spinning around on his barstool in rhythm. “The chorus is coming up, and I’m honestly looking forward to it the way a kid gets excited for Christmas morning to arrive. I’m getting misty-eyed, it’s so beautiful…I…I think I need to be alone with the song right now, if it’s alright with you.”

Longtime bartender Lou Herring is apparently no stranger to the phenomenon.

“Oh, it’s my sly little trick, you see? I know that I’ve served someone the exact correct level of alcohol when it slowly begins to dawn on them that the ‘Shook’ guitar riff is one of the best in rock history, despite its rampant overexposure. I feel like a scientist every time it works,” hollered Herring, as the song played yet again. “The only downside is that this particular drunk guy has now played it on the jukebox 14 times in a row, and my other patrons are getting a little sick of it. Plus, he started a fistfight with another music snob across the bar who was reappraising Led Zeppelin’s ‘Black Dog.’ I guess this bar just wasn’t big enough for the two of them.”

Gairdner’s father is among the throng of people upset with his son’s extremely loud, and late, assessment of the AC/DC catalog.

“C’mon, man, I’ve been telling that fuckin’ kid that AC/DC ripped since he was in the womb! You’re telling me it takes a half dozen brews to realize that? What did I raise, a damn dullard?” said a hurt John Gairdner Sr., as he covertly put a beer on his son’s tab. “Guess I regret not giving him more Budweiser as a child, so we could have had this bonding moment far sooner. Let this be a lesson to all the parents reading: you gotta take this shit seriously, or it’ll end up biting you in the ass- oh, shut up, the solo’s coming up, I gotta hear this!”

At press time, after a few more drinks, Gairdner has now proclaimed “the whirring of the men’s room hand dryer” is now the best song he’s ever heard.