CARVER, Mass. — Local metalhead Tyler Kearns admitted that the replica Viking sword he brought on his camping trip might look badass, but is terrible…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer internship offering practical application of…
SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins of the denim vest, moderately…
GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Melodic death metal guitarist Jens Nyberg tried to use a Boss HM-2 pedal, infamous for its famous “chainsaw” guitar tone, to chop…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead, avid corpse paint donner and frequent leather pants wearer Zachary Petrosyan is reportedly fed up with constantly being mistaken for a…
CONSHOHOCKEN, Pa. — Local black metal band Nocturnal Defacement announced their public support yesterday for the “greater of two evils” in the upcoming presidential election,…
SEATTLE — Perpetually single man Conner Turner ruined a promising first date last Friday when he brought up the infamous Norwegian Black Metal one-man solo…
DENTON, Texas — Children’s literature icon Waldo was found yesterday within a local black metal band logo after nearly 30 minutes of attempting to understand…
OSLO, Norway — Local guitarist Evan “Blood Vacuum” Brulend upset his bandmates yesterday when a filtering mishap revealed his corpse paint stopped just below his…
OSLO, Norway — Local black metal frontman “Iscariot” allegedly saw nothing but his own shallow reflection in a Rorschach test administered yesterday by a psychiatrist,…
OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight Norwegian black metal fans, despite…
CHICAGO — Popular spiked seltzer brand White Claw filed a copyright infringement lawsuit yesterday against a National Socialist black metal band of the same name,…
I get it. You see the corpse paint, the inverted crosses, the sheep’s heads skewered on mic stands, and you think, “Wow, this is one…
Black Metal is most closely associated with its geographical roots in Scandinavia. There has been, however, a growing contingent of the scene in the United…
NEW YORK — Self-described anti-fascist black metal band Ornamental Sun admitted that, although the group’s lyrics often detail horrifically violent scenes of dismemberment and torture…